When I was a young tween
Verging on entry-entry-entry-lvl alt status
I wanted to do something ‘radical’
That would make me ‘unique’ &/or ‘special’
I needed to make a ‘controversial’ ‘statement’
That would set me apart
From every other ‘fatass mnstrmer’ in Middle America
Still swimming in the primordial soup
Of my own eventual ‘alternative’ personal brand
I was searching for the metaphorical lightning bolt
That would stir the chill waves of mystical chemicals within me
And allow me to grow limbs of alternative might
With which I would use to crawl
Onto the beach fuzzy shores
Of meaningful existence
Years before I forsake eating the bloody flesh
Of innocent animal bros
I turned my back on the consumerist-conformist nation of
‘Fast food’
I stopped eating at McDonalds, Burgy King, McWendys and Hardeesbros
Take that, yall, I snarked
Flipping my middle finger
At the booger-covered, diaper-smelling
Twisty slides and ball pits
Though I’d never found a toenail in my ‘Happy’ Meal
Or a condom in my McFlurry
Somehow I had an alt-sense
That eating this ‘food’
Was ‘wrong’ –
Not only did my ‘righteous’ and ‘noble’ boycott
Of all things McBurgBellWendDees
Lead to a healthier lifestyle
But it made me ‘different,’
And thus obviously more ‘authentic’ and ‘cutting edge’
Even tho most pple @ middle school
Just kept calling me a ‘fggt’
But did I make a mistake?
Suddenly it seems like McDonalds is the place to go
For ‘genuine’ and ‘meaningful’ family conversations
Suddenly it seems like Micky D’s isn’t just a generic
‘restaurant’ concerned only with providing ‘cheap ass food’
Via slow/lazy/high/drunk/stupid/acne-faced high-school drop-outs/drug dealers
Suddenly it seems like McD’s is not just a ‘restaurant,’
But an emotionally loaded conceptual space
Where we can gather to ‘get real’ about
Some of our most ‘significant’ and ‘relevant’
Social issues
‘Family Dynamics’
‘Sexuality’
‘The Generational Divide’
‘The Cultural Divide’
‘Underage Sex’
‘Foreign Languages’
‘Globalization’
‘Consumerism’
‘Healthy Eating’
‘Sustainable Food Economies’
‘Global Warming’
‘Vegetarian/Veganism’
‘The Internet’
Suddenly McDoggy D’s seems like so much more
Than my ‘rebellious’ alt-self had ever conceived
Suddenly McDondalds isn’t just a place –
And it’s not just a ‘choice’ –
It’s a ‘McLifestyle’
Cum as you wish
Cum as you want
Cum as y’are, yall
– McDonaldsbros
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is mcdonalds ‘ghey’?
are u ‘ghey’?
are u ‘ghey for mcdonalds’?
does eating mcdonalds make you 'ghey'?
does mcdonalds make you 'come'?
do u eat ‘fast food’?
should I start eating at mcdonalds again?
Is mcdonalds the most ‘authentic fast food chain’ out there?
are all 'french' people 'ghey'?
is this kid's dad 'in the proverbial closet'?
have you ever 'caressed' a picture of your 'bf'?
do boys in ‘all-boys schools’ have 'wild ghey orgies'?
why don't europeans get 'circumsized'?
is this actor really 'ghey'?
do you think he likes 'big macs' or just 'normal-sized macs'?
