dear Mark,
every yr
mnstrm america
allows 6,000 anonymous rich people
and the media swarm
to decide 4 us
which movies were 'really good'
and then we watch and drool
while they give themselves
'metaphorical hand jobs'
in a long parade of award programs
leading to the ultimate orgy of narcissism
& self-congratulation
the academy awards
have to admit
as long as nat & james francs
r in the running
i'll watch as many
'metaphorical hand jobs'
as i can get
but this year i'm nervous
nervous 4 zuk
i know you're out there on
The Internet,
zuk
blogging, sleighing, crushing it
can you hear me?
r u out there?
saw u on SNL
u were tots keut
but...
mark?
the oscars r coming up...
i'm nervous 4 u
i'm nervous 4 us
finally watched
ur documentary
'The Harvard Connection'
have 2 admit
u killed it, bro
but no1 seems 2 like ur movie n e more
every1 says i should like some other movie
about some 'nazi king w/a stutter'
but did colin firth chill down
w/sean parker aka
JUSTIN 'D-IN-A-BOX' TIMBERLAKE?
i don't effing think so
so what's the deal yo?
nervous 4 us, zuk
if we can't pull it thru
will fb go offline?
will the world end?
if we don't win,
should i just quit fb & blogs 4evr?
even though fb is overrun with lamestrmrs & tweens
maybe we could protest [via the middle east]
& start our own oscars
'the blog oscars'
harry potter & the deathly hollbros
would crush that shit
i remember
when i was in college
'the face book' was
only 1 blog year old
fb was 'something special'
rlly felt like i was 'part of something'
[via elite private universities]
i crafted a unique internet personality 4 myself
ppl rlly saw how 'kewl' and 'authentic' i was
[via JPEG]
i even had class
w/ur hot-ass sister
but then things started
'swirling down the shitter'
state schools
high schools
newsfeed
tweens
apps
status updates
twitter
seemed like every time
i refreshed my effing browser
u'd come up w/some new quirky gimmick
& everything that was once
simple and accessible
became
cluttered and annoying
pretty soon fb
wasn't a 'unique experience' n e more
just another lamestream mainstream tween web forum
felt kinda betrayed, bro
like u'd reduced my stock from 34%
to .003% [via ur college bro roommate bro]
but what did u care?
u weren't as keut as the winklyvosses
but u could buy any billion dollar
slice of premium a$$ u wanted
ur rich
b/c of me,
mark
ur rich
b/c of us
ur documentary
was abt u
but where were we?
were were us?
i didn't see my name
on the credits
i didn't see
any of the ppl i 'fb stalked'
on the credits
i didn't see the line
'4 every lonely fb bro'
on the credits
mark
even if u win an oscar
i'll still b sitting in my overpriced
crummy brooklyn apt/
college dormitory/
suburban basement
broke
in debt
'trapped in the machine'
i went 2 a pretentious universitie too
a lot of us did
but 'so what?'
ur the king
ur the boss
ur the 'CEO, bitch'
n e way
hope we win it on sunday, zuk
sure, the oscars r just 'the superbowl 4 gays'
but rlly, this yr it's so much more
maybe
if u win
'all of us' win
i don't know
maybe we should have just tried
4 a grammie
good luck, bro
kill it
-sincerely,
just another fb bro of 50 million
'dance like no1's watching,
blog like no1's reading,
fb stalk harder than n e 1 has fb stalked b4'
-mark 'i'm CEO, bitch' zuckerbro
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
will zuk win the oscars?
is the social network better than the king bro's speech?
r u on facebook?
is your lil brother/sister/mom/dad/dog/grandma on fb?
does fb even matter n e more?
do u feel betrayed by zuk?
will u quit fb if zuk looses the oscars?
does facebook make u feel like ur just another useless 20-something trapped in the machine of commercialism, business, the internet, MacBooks, & 'wanting to belong'?
passion
'it's all my mom's fault?'
sean penn
1 G-damn speed
'sure'
u ever worn NIKE sneakers?
