will breaking a body part increase my alternative cred?

such a competitive alternative market
out there in bk yall
so much pressure
2 be as authentic as possible
2 wear quirky, zany, 'interesting' outfits
attend relevant buzzband shows
yoga, vegan, blogs, Converse, bike
Chrome messenger bags, organiclocalfreerange

whatever
it's just so competitive
just wanted
2 take my personal brand
2 the next lvl
in a unique and meaningful way
yknow?

so i kinda got in an 'accident'

steps for increasing your alternative cred:

step 1: summer in alaska

popularly known in alternative culture
as the most authentic state
alaska has
mountains, moose, beards
the white, middle-working class
'i'm goin into the wild yall
gonna chill down with mother nature
rlly 'find myself''
= 50 alternative blog points

step 2: ultimate frisbee

popularly known as
the most authentic alternative sport
u rlly can't go wrong here
scampering around barefoot in short shorts
just vibe out to some chill frisbee vibes
=5 alternative blog points

step 3: break ur hand

reach for the frisbee
when some new age mom
who should rlly b in the kitchen
instead of playing sports w/20 yr olds
throws her fat ass into your arm and
jams ur hand up into your chin
breaking that knuckle shit

fuck
breaking a bone hurts, yall
ppl gotta tie my shoes 4 me
cant j off with just my left hand

but look at the bright side:
i now look more 'interesting' than
almost anyone on bedford
my right arm has lost muscle mass,
'effing skinnie vegan hipster'
they'll say
<3 <3 <3 percocet

= 70 alternative blog points

just sayin, yall
it's tuff out there for an effing hipster
u might wanna break some shit

'welcome to my broke right hand'
'welcome to my alt life'

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
have u evr broken something?
what do u do 2 stay alternatively relevant-looking?
whats ur fav type of pain killer?
is ultimate frisbee only for 20-something effing hipstrrs, or should new age moms b able 2 play too?
should i 'sue that mom's fat ass' for effing up my hand?
have u ever managed to j off with your non-dominant hand? [it's not happening here, yall]
is alaska the most authentic alternative state, or is oregon?
ever had ur hand bit off by a loose seal?

is james francbro a 'good' actor?

james francbros
u r a major QT
but i cant tell
if you're a good actor
or if u get a pass
just b/c ur handsome
in the classical-manly-meathead-scruffy-muscles sort of way

ppl r all like,
'yall, james franco is mad baller,
heard he takes film classes @ the NYUs
& creative writing courses @ the Columbias,
obviously he's down to throw down some hardcore
academic chills abt his shit,
but also humble enuff to chill [via sleeping thru lectures] amongst
the hordes of pretentious, untalented, ugly,
fat girl grad students who will probably
wind up slaving in an office cubicle at a bumbfuck
publishing house clinging to the memory,
"James Franco was in my creative writing class, yall, &
he killed it"'

not sure abt ur writing skills, tho, jimbro
via:

[I often think about driving off the side of freeway overpasses, just plunge Grandpa's old blue boat through the cement guardrail: The sculpted barrier crumbling about me and Grandpa's blue machine; a great moment of metallic explosion and heavy ripping and jerking and then release; a soft, slow dive of arcing color through the windshield, into a hard second of impact, just before the black. What an adventure lies behind one quick turn of the steering wheel. A great screaming, and then, slip away.]

seems mad dark, bro
but ultimately just as cliche & trite
as any other creative writing workshop production
might want to leave writing in the more capable hands
of the jon franz-lethem-chabon bros
but mad props 4 ur book deal, n e way
more than i can say 4 myself
Esquire Fiction: "Just Before the Black"


dude has obviously crafted a unique
and hella-marketable personal brand
has the best of both worlds
mnstrm fame and alternative reverence
str8 masculinity and ghey boyishness
oscillating between alt-indie movies abt ghey poets/politicians

mnstrm blockbuster movies abt gheys in spandex [<3 spandex]

and movies abt regular bros just like u n me
smokin dank
chillin out to some chill, dank wave vibes

shit bro, i heard jim francs was even in some
ultra-alt underground soap opera performance piece
dude crushed it

n e way
just saw u in this new documentary
'127 hrs of james francos peen'

u chilled with some keut alt broads
then fell in a hole
drinkin pee & eating burritos
[sounds like my typical saturday nite]
you had scruff
& perfect teeth
but ur arm was stuck
til u 'cut that shit off'
and then started filming
'milk 2: sean penn gets milkier'

guess it was a good movie and all
just seems like for all ur appeal
u kinda have a limited acting range
& i dont want u to start
taking urself too sriously
$13 is a lot of money
2 see a movie
and ultimately id rather just look at u
running around/taking ur shirt off
for two hours
than watching u 'get deep' [via leo decapribros, russel crowbros, ed nortbros, etc.]
in the quest for an academy award

most ppl r just h8rs
jealous of ur good looks
but i <3 u
james francbros
stay true
keep sleighing
keep it mnstrm
keep it alt
& most of all
keep that hot G-damn bod
tite

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
is james frncbro's attractiveness mistaken for 'talent' on all fronts?
is james francobro a good actor/writer/model/soap star/chef/artist/musician/fashion designer/mountain climber/singer/poet/designer/blogger/student/etc.?
would u tap that?
whats ur fave francbro movie?
is it possible 2 b mnstrm/alt/str8/ghey all at once?
should james franco win a pulitzer/nobel/academy award/teen choice award?
have u ever drank ur own pee 2 survive?
wuld u cut off ur own arm?
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
XXX BONUS VID OF SOME CHILL BRO MEANINGFULLY DESCRIBING CUTTING OFF HIS ARM XXX

bedford ave?

Breathe in the smoke
And the lights
Of Bedford Avenue
On a Saturday night

Hundreds of hipsters
Hoarding down Bedford
Useless humans
Being useless
Eating hamburgers and
Sipping mochas in
Café windows
Browsing for avant-garde
Albums and zines
Thrifting and searching
For art
Authenticity
Meaning
Which genre of human
You fit into
Plodding north
Plodding south
Holding hands
Or sitting alone
Scribbling in moleskins
Or pushing strollers
Wearing babies and small dogs
As a fashion accessory

These are the sounds
These are the sights
of Bedford Avenue
On a Saturday night

Nowhere better to be
Than Bedford Avenue
On a Saturday night
Smoking a Newport or a Clove
Stop into the organic market
Or the cheese shop
Or get some wine
Wear a beard
And your unshowered skin
Your bedbug bites and dandruff
Squinting through coke bottle glasses
Strutting and breathing
In your boots and jeans
Girlfriends and boyfriends
In a candle-lit café
Or strolling the street
Drinking Bud-Lite
From a bag

Welcome to the lights
Such alternative sights
On Bedford Avenue
On a Saturday night

Fags with fat girls
Dykes with pierced ears
And children and moms
Having somewhere to be
Someone to see
You are someone
In the city
In the show
Of hair and teeth
Wheezing coffee breath
Yogurt
Meat
Skateboards and bikes
Scarves and guitars
Headphones, yawning beards
Keep walking
Keep going

And breathe in the smoke
And the lights
Of Bedford Avenue
On a Saturday night
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

is bedford ave the most authentic/relevant/meaningful street in bk/NYC/America/the World?
what's ur fav relevant bar/thai restaurant/cafe/record store/thrift store/bodega/organic foods market on bedford ave?
will the new duane reade 'crush' kings pharmacy?
is bedford ave a street, or more of a 'state-of-mind' [via being tanked/danked]?
do black ppl still live in bk?
r hipsters 'the effing dead-end of western cultural civilizations'?
r u just another lonely bro, sitting in a cafe window counter, surfing the internets on your macbook/writing meaningful lyrics in a moleskine, wearing giant noise-canceling dr dre headphones?
do ppl in new york actually do anything?