once upon a time many years ago in 2k4-7 there was a music genre called 'indie' ur band was 'indie' if no1 knew who u were u played in garages & basement bars singing meaningful anthems or luv songs abt 'being in luv' or 'feeling lost & confused' or 'smoking dank' or 'death' or 'being a robot' u released ur albums on vinyl ur band comprised: -4 rich white bros / -2 white college bros w/a synthesizer / -3 white bros & a some keut grl / -10+ white bros & grls / & u were relevant & u were authentic & the only ppl who listened 2u were the ppl who really 'got it' & zach braff & wes anderson used u for their meaningful movies & everything was meaningful & u were happy 2 be alt 1 of these bands was called 'The Arcade Fireses' or 'Arcade Fire' they sang the songs of a generation of jaded, anxious formative alts they sang abt 'family' & other meaningful shit their songs expressed how u were feeling 'yeah, i really get this band' u said '& they really get me' & u went to an arcade fires concert & every1 was like 'ahhh-aahhh-aaahhhh-aaahhh-ah-ohhh-ahhh- 000hhhhhh-000000hhhh-ahhhh' really vibing out 2 some meaningful vibes & the world seemed like a better place & then there was some spike jonez movie trailer 'where the wild bros go' & u thought 2 urself 'yes, nostalgic images of youth + a meaningful indie soundtrack that only me + my closest alt bros will understand = pure alternative gold' but then the movie sucked & u went home afterward & watched the trailer on utube over & ovr again & cried & then some album came out called 'the suburbs of america suck' & there was some song called 'suburb sprawl of america part 5' that seemed like it had ok lyrics but then some lady with an awful voice was singing it & every1 was like 'this is awful' & then the album won 'best ever music album by humans ever' & it seemed like every alt thing we had been living 4 every alt thing we had worked 4 every p4k album review we 'read' every hour we spent in front of our macbooks was a waste was a lie was dead indie was dead indie was dead indie was dead there is no more indie i lived 2 see the death of indie how can a band that wins the highest mnstrm achievement award be indie? indie is dead indie is dead how can this awful music b considered 'good' by anybody? arcade fire killed indie this is a nightmare indie is dead this is just a bad dream indie is dead i'm sleeping indie is dead how can will i cope in a post-indie world? how can i b alt if alt=mnstrm? nothing makes sense anymore indie is going mnstrm buzzbands r going mnstrm indie is dead indie is dead arcade fire killed indie indie is dead help
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_- did yall watch the grammies? have yall heard of arcade fires? will arcade fire win an academy award/pulitzer/nobel peace prize? when did u 'discover' the arcade fire? when did arcade fire go mnstrm? did arcade fire kill indie? did regine kill indie? did p4k kill indie? did blogs kill indie? did facebook kill indie? did alts kill indie? did mnstrmrs kill indie? will indie ever 'rise from the ashes' [via TOMBOY?] did u like 'the wild bros go wild'? why does all music suck? how do i stay indie in a post-indie world? how do i stay alt in a post-alt world?
wllmsbrg’s a friendly place it’s home 2 a vry special race of human, called the ‘effing alts’ being alt is what it’s all abt ‘what does it mean 2 b alt?’ u say? well, 2 start, most alts r usually ghey most alts wear vry skinny jeans & can sing AnCo songs in their most danked-out dreams alts – or ‘hipsters,’ as they’re also called – r on the cutting edge of the cultural crowd at least that’s what some of them seem 2 think btw – most alts don’t shower, so they usually stink it’s pretty easy 2 stereotype the alt but treat them nice – it’s not their fault that their parents r rich, or that they can’t keep a job they’re not just some emotionless blob! no! alts have hopes, & alts have important hopes, 2 & not just 2 show that they’re better than u they want 2 help, & they want 2 luvvv they want 2 worship our good LORD above i must admit, i’m kinda alt not real sure why i took that route it’s hard 2 find such trendy clothes… why we’re alt, maybe no1 knows but in the end, the truth is this – & this is something some alts miss – : alt or mnstrm, we’re all the same we’re all caught up in a frightful game we’re all afraid, we’re all alone we just want bros & a home of our own we don’t want 2 be forgotten, we don’t want 2 die we just want a kute some1 2 look in our eyes & whisper, ‘i luv u 4 u, & nothing more, & i don’t care how alt u r, or if ur a bore’ we want 2 find purpose, we want 2 find meaning we want 2 touch the axis on which the earth’s leaning so i invite u, my bros, 2 check out my hood it’s full of useless 20-somethings in an alternative mood wllmsbrg is the place 2 b 2 b alt 2 b hipster 2 set ur lil altie <3 free _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_ r u alt? why r u alt? what does it mean 2 b alt? r ppl born alt, or can u become alt? what genre of human r u? [via hipster, alt, blipster, scenester, altbro, altbag, altbroad, teen, tween, cool dad, cool mom, crustie, mnstrmr, lmstrmr] r effing hipsters the effing 'dead end of western civilization'? r u sad, lonely, & just wanna 'connect' 2 other alts? [via facebook/twitter/blogs?] r we all the same?
Or: coming 2 terms w/ur mnstrm roots ovr the holidays: a meaningful essay sometimes when I spend several months in ____________ (relevant alt city) i forget that there’s ‘a whole other world out there’ so i go home to ____________ (OH/WI/MN/MI/IN/etc. etc.) to reconnect w/my family & our middle american MNSTRM roots used to really resent growning up in small town suburbia shopping @ walmart & american eagle acting in community theater playing video games in basements driving my mom’s van taking AP courses wearing cargo shorts eating cheeseburgers & meat products & getting called a ‘fggt’ by the football team always knew i was ‘different’ always knew i was destined for ‘bigger & better things’ 'getting a useless liberal arts/design school degree' ‘studying abroad’ ‘making art’ ‘starting a buzzband’ ‘working at a vegan café’ ‘selling weed’ or just ‘doing jack sh*t’ while exploiting my parents to live in a $800 + apt in one of america’s ‘cultural meccas’ but now that i’m ‘getting a lil older’ going home 4 the holidays has taken on ‘a whole new meaning’ really starting 2 appreciate how mnstrm i used 2 b don’t think i ever realized how ‘good i had it’ sure – no1 here has heard of ‘iPads’ most ppl actually believe in some1 named ‘GOD’ & animal cruelty is a sunday hobby but it’s nice not 2 wake up @ 3 in the morning b/c my neighbor is blasting 50 cent through my paper-thin apt walls it’s nice 2 walk through the woods or 2 drive around town in my parents’ ‘gas-guzzling SUV’ instead of getting groped by some old latino man on the subway it’s even nice 2 wear cargo shorts & to get a slurpie @ my local suburban mall hot topic rlly does have nice merchandise (thinking abt getting a diamond-studded choker) most of all i’m thankful 4 my mnstrm parents 4 raising me w/conservative, xtian values even tho i turned out 2 b kind of a ‘godless, liberal, & depressive butt hole’ they still <3 me 4 who i am (or at least who they wished i had become) & buy me expensive material possessions
mom makes a rlly good ‘turduckin’ & dad is rlly good @ watching TV all in all i’ve realized if i hadn’t grown up in MNSTRM america i never would have succeeded so well @ becoming a cynical, jackass ‘effing hipster’ living within the snug bubble of ‘alternative culture’
i know now no matter how bad i F up how much debt i accrue how much dank i smoke how much PBR i drink how many graduate degrees i acquire how many mp3s i download illegally how many times i drop my iPod on the subway tracks how many veggie burgers i consume how many blog entries i write how many relevant alt music festivals i attend how many times i study abroad how many jonathan franzen novels i read how skinny my jeans are – in short, no matter how alternative i become – i know now i’ll always b able 2 come back to Middle America
i'll always be able 2 come back to MNSTRM USA my heart my life my home _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_ did u grow up in middle America? do u h8/<3 going home 4 the holidays? do u resent ur childhood? do u wish u were raised by ‘AltParents’? is ‘alternative culture’ overrated? is alternative culture ‘killing our planet’? is mnstrm American culture ‘killing our planet’? have u come 2 terms w/ur mnstrm roots? will u ‘burn out’ on alt city life in 1.5-3 years & move into ur parents' basement? are there even such things as ‘alt’ & ‘mnstrm’? does mnstrm = alt? r the suburbs s000000 b0000ring? is the arcade fires PRETENTIOUS EFFING BLLSHT?
#10.0 - TOMBOY panda bear where r u bro? u promised us u would save the indie mp3 disaster of 2k10 but then ur album nvr came out come on man what happened? fall be kind came out a million blog years ago 2k10: the great AnCo drought just want some authentic bleepy-bloops to listen to walkin down some dirty street in bk come on man its christmas give the indiesphere a break, will u?
#9.0 - DR DRE BEATS BY DRE HEADPHONES i know i already have $$$200 bose headphones just seemed like these dr dre beats r 'hella chill' like they show that i identify w/black ppl and am therefore more authentic even tho i h8 'black ppl music' and will just use them 2 listen 2 crystal castles & old AnCo mp3s #8.0 - TRON SPANDEX skinny jeans aren't cutting it n e more yall need to take my personal brand 2 the next lvl via this super-tite daft punk robot shit just wanna b authentic just wanna b 'human after all'
#7.0 - VINTAGE TYPEWRITER let's face it sorta getting tired of my iPad/MacBook Pro/MacBook Air/iPhone/iPod touch/Acer seems like every bro & their brother has one these days Apple products = cargo shorts not only will a typewriter make me look 'mad vintage' but bitches r likely 2 think think i'm some sort of 'authentic street poet' and i'll probs get 'mad action'
#6.0 - MY OWN PERSONAL L TRAIN ok, yall i have 2 go 2 work in the morning s000 sick of having to cram into the train with a bunch of other 'effing hipsters' + regular ppl who think it's fun to talk/make out/ rub against me @ 8 in the morning
#5.0 - THE BEDFORD AVE DUANE READE TO BE 'EFFING LEVELED,' TO BE REPLACED BY AN ALL-NATURAL LOCAL ORGANIC VEGAN URBAN FARM CO-OP i used to rlly like u, duane i'd drop in 2 pick up TP cheetos, and bottles of herbal essence shampoo but then u moved into MY neighboorhood right across from some local pharmacy run by black ppl and mexicans seemed like a hella unchill move rlly showed me ur true colors seems like all u care abt is concentrating power in the hands of a few rich ppl corporations thanks a lot, barak obama tax breaks 2 the rich jesus eff u, duane black ppl/mexicans/poor ppl/and effing hipsters are ppl too, OK?
#4.0/#10.0 - KANYE WEST STOCK congratulations, kanye u ruined: george bush taylor swift & indie music all in the same year rlly congrat-u-fucking-lations way to go, bro u did it 10.0 10.0 10.0
#3.0 - A PLANE brooklyn portland san fran LA chicago austin seattle alaska new orleans london berlin paris SXSW cochella bonaroo sasquatch lolla burning man - i gotta lotta places 2 go yall #2.0 - FULBRIGHT FELLOWSHIP TO THAILAND from what i understand there are few opportunities more authentic/pretentious 4 a young white person than 'to teach english in an asian country for a year' but rlly just spend the whole time boozin, lying on the beach, and eating weird food like horse peen/cow balls/dog seems like this would rlly elevate my authentic cred 'to a whole new level of relevancy' & id get a 'sick tan'
#1.0 - JAMES + NATALIE _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_ what's on ur alternative xmas list? does getting expensive material objects for xmas 'make u feel good abt urself'? is indie music 'effing finished'? do u h8 the L train in the morning? is duane reade corporate imperialist bllsht? is santa claus real? is santa claus just a 'drunk ole bastard'?
Bro Spot is a meaningful blogspot that examines meaningful things in a meaningful way in an attempt to understand the meaningfulness of the human condition.
oh come munch some granola
oh come chew some brownies -
just run ur fingers
it's gr8 2 b 
practice ur yoga
bike 2 ur workplace
most vital of all
its the summer time, bb
