will mark zuckerbro win a billion oscars?

dear Mark,

every yr
mnstrm america
allows 6,000 anonymous rich people
and the media swarm
to decide 4 us
which movies were 'really good'
and then we watch and drool
while they give themselves
'metaphorical hand jobs'
in a long parade of award programs
leading to the ultimate orgy of narcissism
& self-congratulation
the academy awards
have to admit
as long as nat & james francs
r in the running
i'll watch as many
'metaphorical hand jobs'
as i can get
but this year i'm nervous
nervous 4 zuk
i know you're out there on
The Internet,
zuk
blogging, sleighing, crushing it
can you hear me?
r u out there?
saw u on SNL
u were tots keut
but...
mark?
the oscars r coming up...
i'm nervous 4 u
i'm nervous 4 us
finally watched
ur documentary
'The Harvard Connection'
have 2 admit
u killed it, bro
but no1 seems 2 like ur movie n e more
every1 says i should like some other movie
about some 'nazi king w/a stutter'
but did colin firth chill down
w/sean parker aka
JUSTIN 'D-IN-A-BOX' TIMBERLAKE?
i don't effing think so
so what's the deal yo?
nervous 4 us, zuk
if we can't pull it thru
will fb go offline?
will the world end?
if we don't win,
should i just quit fb & blogs 4evr?
even though fb is overrun with lamestrmrs & tweens
maybe we could protest [via the middle east]
& start our own oscars
'the blog oscars'
harry potter & the deathly hollbros
would crush that shit
i remember
when i was in college
'the face book' was
only 1 blog year old
fb was 'something special'
rlly felt like i was 'part of something'
[via elite private universities]
i crafted a unique internet personality 4 myself
ppl rlly saw how 'kewl' and 'authentic' i was
[via JPEG]
i even had class
w/ur hot-ass sister
but then things started
'swirling down the shitter'
state schools
high schools
newsfeed
tweens
apps
status updates
twitter
seemed like every time
i refreshed my effing browser
u'd come up w/some new quirky gimmick
& everything that was once
simple and accessible
became
cluttered and annoying
pretty soon fb
wasn't a 'unique experience' n e more
just another lamestream mainstream tween web forum
felt kinda betrayed, bro
like u'd reduced my stock from 34%
to .003% [via ur college bro roommate bro]
but what did u care?
u weren't as keut as the winklyvosses
but u could buy any billion dollar
slice of premium a$$ u wanted
ur rich
b/c of me,
mark
ur rich
b/c of us
ur documentary
was abt u
but where were we?
were were us?
i didn't see my name
on the credits
i didn't see
any of the ppl i 'fb stalked'
on the credits
i didn't see the line
'4 every lonely fb bro'
on the credits
mark
even if u win an oscar
i'll still b sitting in my overpriced
crummy brooklyn apt/
college dormitory/
suburban basement
broke
in debt
'trapped in the machine'
i went 2 a pretentious universitie too
a lot of us did
but 'so what?'
ur the king
ur the boss
ur the 'CEO, bitch'
n e way
hope we win it on sunday, zuk
sure, the oscars r just 'the superbowl 4 gays'
but rlly, this yr it's so much more
maybe
if u win
'all of us' win
i don't know
maybe we should have just tried
4 a grammie
good luck, bro
kill it

-sincerely,
just another fb bro of 50 million

'dance like no1's watching,
blog like no1's reading,
fb stalk harder than n e 1 has fb stalked b4'
-mark 'i'm CEO, bitch' zuckerbro

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
will zuk win the oscars?
is the social network better than the king bro's speech?
r u on facebook?
is your lil brother/sister/mom/dad/dog/grandma on fb?
does fb even matter n e more?
do u feel betrayed by zuk?
will u quit fb if zuk looses the oscars?
does facebook make u feel like ur just another useless 20-something trapped in the machine of commercialism, business, the internet, MacBooks, & 'wanting to belong'?

did nat portman 'effing crush it' in BLACK SWANS?

hey Natalie
woah
F
holy F
damn grl
shit
holy SHIT

2k10: AN AWFUL YEAR 4 MOVIES
b4 i saw THE BLACK SWANNS
was rlly starting 2 think this was a
shit year for movies
oh wait
it WAS

no avatar
no hurt locker
no tarantino
no kute meaningful indie movie abt a dysfunctional family
no depressing indie movie abt poor black ppl
no coen bros
nothing
boring
sad

ok whatever
toy stories 3 was kute, i guess
but the rest just
boiled down to gimmicky gimicks

'hi i'm rlly only good at crying/shouting/yelling
so im just gonna keep playing a depressed guy w/a psychotic bitch
4 a wife' -leo dicapribros
‘hey yall!
look at my fancy special effects
so u r distracted from my incomprehensible plot’ -chris nolan

127 hrs was like,
‘ok, I get it, james franco is in a lot of movies’

didn't see 'the bro network'
though apparently half the world
has been brainwashed into thinking
it was 'good'
F U zuk, u already have enuff money
i see right thru your pale ginger skin

‘the book of eli’ said, ‘hey, look at denzel, he crushes it’
ok
we knew that already


2k10: THE ART OF CINEMA IS SWIRLING DOWN THE SHITTER
but then...
then came natalie
in THE BLACK SWANSS
& she came a lot
[via masterbation/fingering/lesbian muff-eating]

DAREN ARONOFSKI PRESENTS BLACK SWAN: A 2-HR MONTAGE OF EVERY COLLEGE BRO'S WHET DREAM
hey there natalie
wait a minute
woah
i mean -
HOLY G_D DAMN
damn grl
u CRUSHED IT
always knew u had it in u
lets face it
we all knew u were biding ur time
playing princess amidalas
sometimes u have to S george lucas's D
2 get ahead in life

u killed it in 'cum CLOSER'
& 'Vag for Vengina'
& proved ur tots down
w/'gettin funnie'
in the only relevant
snl skit in 30+ yrs
but damn grl
never like this
nvr like the black swans
u effing tore it up, grl
mad props

how does it feel 2 know
that u will win an oscar
and that millions of hornie bros
have 'blown their wads' ovr u
in the theater?????
rake in the gold, bb
u earned it
u redeemed the effing disaster
of movies in 2k10
keep killin it
keep sleighin
<3 <3 <3 <3 XoXoXoXoXoXoXo
the blog oscars of 2k10:
best directors: darren aranofskis for BLACK SWANS [even tho he essentially made the same movie he always makes but every1 else this yr effing sucked]

best actresses: Nat Portman for BLACK SWANSSSSSSS [4 effing 'crushing it']

best lesbian F-scene: Nat P0rtmans + Jackie from 'the 70's show yall' [duh]

worst human alive: mark effing zuckerberg

best 'break thru role': justin bieber in 'justin beiber's tween peen in 3D yall!'

best screenplay: soul plane

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
did movies 'blow' in 2k10?
what was ur fav movie in 2k10?
did nat portman 'crush it'?
r all daron aronofski's films the same? [via over-the top montage character study descents into madness]
did u j off 2 BLACK SWAN?
what was ur fav scene in BLACKSWAN?
A) nat portman j's off in bed
B) nat portman j's off in bathtub
C) kreepy old frenchman fingers nat portman
D) nat portman/jackie from 'that 70's show' eats out nat portman
E) kreepy old man j's off to nat portman on the L train
F) wynoda ryder stabs her own face
G) nat portman effing bleeds out
H) choose.ur.own.response.