is middle america a drag?

Or: coming 2 terms w/ur mnstrm roots ovr the holidays: a meaningful essay
sometimes
when I spend
several months
in ____________ (relevant alt city)
i forget that there’s
‘a whole other world out there’
so i go home to ____________
(OH/WI/MN/MI/IN/etc. etc.)
to reconnect w/my family
& our middle american
MNSTRM roots
used to really resent
growning up in
small town suburbia
shopping @ walmart & american eagle
acting in community theater
playing video games in basements
driving my mom’s van
taking AP courses
wearing cargo shorts
eating cheeseburgers & meat products
& getting called a ‘fggt’ by the football team
always knew i was ‘different’
always knew i was destined for ‘bigger & better things’
'getting a useless liberal arts/design school degree'
‘studying abroad’
‘making art’
‘starting a buzzband’
‘working at a vegan café’
‘selling weed’
or just ‘doing jack sh*t’
while exploiting my parents
to live in a $800 + apt
in one of america’s
‘cultural meccas’
but now that i’m
‘getting a lil older’
going home 4 the holidays
has taken on ‘a whole new meaning’
really starting 2 appreciate
how mnstrm i used 2 b
don’t think i ever realized
how ‘good i had it’

sure –
no1 here has heard
of ‘iPads’
most ppl actually believe
in some1 named ‘GOD’
& animal cruelty
is a sunday hobby
but it’s nice not 2
wake up @ 3 in the morning
b/c my neighbor is blasting 50 cent
through my paper-thin apt walls
it’s nice 2 walk through the woods
or 2 drive around town in
my parents’ ‘gas-guzzling SUV’
instead of getting groped
by some old latino man on the subway
it’s even nice 2 wear cargo shorts
& to get a slurpie
@ my local suburban mall
hot topic rlly does have nice merchandise
(thinking abt getting a diamond-studded choker)
most of all
i’m thankful 4 my mnstrm parents
4 raising me w/conservative, xtian values
even tho i turned out 2 b kind of a
‘godless, liberal, & depressive butt hole’
they still <3 me 4 who i am
(or at least who they wished i had become)
& buy me expensive material possessions

mom makes a rlly good ‘turduckin’
& dad is rlly good
@ watching TV

all in all
i’ve realized
if i hadn’t grown up
in MNSTRM america
i never would have succeeded so well
@ becoming a cynical, jackass ‘effing hipster’
living within the snug bubble of ‘alternative culture’

i know now
no matter how bad i F up
how much debt i accrue
how much dank i smoke
how much PBR i drink
how many graduate degrees i acquire
how many mp3s i download illegally
how many times i drop my iPod on the subway tracks
how many veggie burgers i consume
how many blog entries i write
how many relevant alt music festivals i attend
how many times i study abroad
how many jonathan franzen novels i read
how skinny my jeans are –
in short, no matter how alternative i become –
i know now
i’ll always b able 2 come back
to Middle America

i'll always be able
2 come back
to MNSTRM USA
my heart
my life
my home

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
did u grow up in middle America?
do u h8/<3 going home 4 the holidays?
do u resent ur childhood?
do u wish u were raised by ‘AltParents’?
is ‘alternative culture’ overrated?
is alternative culture ‘killing our planet’?
is mnstrm American culture ‘killing our planet’?
have u come 2 terms w/ur mnstrm roots?
will u ‘burn out’ on alt city life in 1.5-3 years & move into ur parents' basement?
are there even such things as ‘alt’ & ‘mnstrm’?
does mnstrm = alt?
r the suburbs s000000 b0000ring?
is the arcade fires PRETENTIOUS EFFING BLLSHT?

america?

Some bros have said
That the things that set us apart
Divide us
And cause conflicts between us
As Americans
Are the only things
That unite us
Which is a saying
That doesn’t seem
To make any effing sense, if
You ask me

Whites, blacks, browns, whatevers
Gays and lezzies and str8s
Christians, Muslims, Jews, and atheists
Rich and poors and mehs
City slickers, country folks, and suburbanites
Blues and reds and greens and sarah palins
Mnstrmrs and alts
Tweens and real people
Bois and grls
U and me

Are we all so ‘different’?

Or are we all ‘the same’?

Family
Friends
Peace
Love
Happiness

Certainly our different methods
Of achieving these goals
Seem to suggest
That we are inherently unique, different, individual, and separate
From each other, from our neighbors
That we are not one nation under Jesusbro
But 3 million nations
Competing for space
Blog readership
And the most authentic facebook profile pic possible

Well eff that, all
I’m here 2 tell yall what America
Is all about
Just like Linus gave us the low-downs
Abt some old-ass summer holiday called
‘Christmas’

America
Is an idea
That sometimes comes alive
And sometimes dies
Depending on whether or not it’s a rainy day or a sunny day
Depending on whether or not you wake up in a good mood
Or whether you wake up hungover, in a pool of your own poop/pee/vomit
Depending on whether or not someone at a café meant it when they told you to
‘Have a good one’
Or whether they’d rather you just go eff yourself
And most of all depending on whether or not
You’re having a good hair day

America
Is an idea, yall
The idea that we are the best country in the world
Whether or not we actually are

America is the idea of the fountain of youth
We’ll never get old
We will stay relevant 4evar
The most authentic country
On the effing planet
So take that, yall
U can take your terrorism and notre dames and euros and communism
And smarter children and better soccer players and
SHOVE IT

This is America
And we’re gonna blow shit up
And eat meat
To celebrate ourselves
And the fact
That we are effing awesome

This is what unites us
Americans
As people who are the same
Even if we don’t realize it
The idea of our own greatness
Which is many times false
But always true

U r so authentic America
U r so real
Glory glory hallelujah
Jesusbro shed his grace on thee

<3 u America

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
do u <3 america?
do u <3 freedom?
what r ur fav hot dog toppings?
r u having a nice day?