what's on ur alternative xmas list?

#10.0 - TOMBOY
panda bear
where r u bro?
u promised us u would
save the indie mp3 disaster of 2k10
but then ur album nvr came out
come on man
what happened?
fall be kind came out
a million blog years ago
2k10: the great AnCo drought
just want some authentic
bleepy-bloops to listen to
walkin down some dirty street in bk
come on man
its christmas
give the indiesphere a break, will u?

#9.0 - DR DRE BEATS BY DRE HEADPHONES
i know i already have
$$$200 bose headphones
just seemed like these dr dre beats
r 'hella chill'
like they show that i identify
w/black ppl
and am therefore more authentic
even tho i h8 'black ppl music'
and will just use them
2 listen 2 crystal castles &
old AnCo mp3s

#8.0 - TRON SPANDEX
skinny jeans aren't cutting it
n e more yall
need to take my personal brand
2 the next lvl
via this super-tite daft punk
robot shit
just wanna b authentic
just wanna b 'human after all'


#7.0 - VINTAGE TYPEWRITER
let's face it
sorta getting tired of my
iPad/MacBook Pro/MacBook Air/iPhone/iPod touch/Acer
seems like every bro & their brother
has one these days
Apple products = cargo shorts
not only will a typewriter make me look
'mad vintage'
but bitches r likely 2 think think
i'm some sort of 'authentic street poet'
and i'll probs get 'mad action'

#6.0 - MY OWN PERSONAL L TRAIN
ok, yall
i have 2 go 2 work in the morning
s000 sick of having to cram into the train
with a bunch of other 'effing hipsters' +
regular ppl who think it's fun to talk/make out/
rub against me @ 8 in the morning

#5.0 - THE BEDFORD AVE DUANE READE TO BE 'EFFING LEVELED,' TO BE REPLACED BY AN ALL-NATURAL LOCAL ORGANIC VEGAN URBAN FARM CO-OP
i used to rlly like u, duane
i'd drop in 2 pick up TP
cheetos, and bottles of herbal essence shampoo
but then u moved into MY neighboorhood
right across from some local pharmacy
run by black ppl and mexicans
seemed like a hella unchill move
rlly showed me ur true colors
seems like all u care abt
is concentrating power in the hands
of a few rich ppl corporations
thanks a lot, barak obama
tax breaks 2 the rich
jesus
eff u, duane
black ppl/mexicans/poor ppl/and effing hipsters
are ppl too, OK?

#4.0/#10.0 - KANYE WEST STOCK
congratulations, kanye
u ruined:
george bush
taylor swift
& indie music
all in the same year
rlly
congrat-u-fucking-lations
way to go, bro
u did it
10.0
10.0
10.0

#3.0 - A PLANE
brooklyn portland san fran
LA chicago austin
seattle alaska new orleans
london berlin paris
SXSW cochella bonaroo
sasquatch lolla burning man -
i gotta lotta places 2 go
yall

#2.0 - FULBRIGHT FELLOWSHIP TO THAILAND
from what i understand
there are few opportunities
more authentic/pretentious
4 a young white person than
'to teach english in an asian country for a year'
but rlly just spend the whole time
boozin, lying on the beach,
and eating weird food
like horse peen/cow balls/dog
seems like this
would rlly elevate my authentic cred
'to a whole new level of relevancy'
& id get a 'sick tan'

#1.0 - JAMES + NATALIE

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
what's on ur alternative xmas list?
does getting expensive material objects for xmas 'make u feel good abt urself'?
is indie music 'effing finished'?
do u h8 the L train in the morning?
is duane reade corporate imperialist bllsht?
is santa claus real?
is santa claus just a 'drunk ole bastard'?

bedford ave?

Breathe in the smoke
And the lights
Of Bedford Avenue
On a Saturday night

Hundreds of hipsters
Hoarding down Bedford
Useless humans
Being useless
Eating hamburgers and
Sipping mochas in
Café windows
Browsing for avant-garde
Albums and zines
Thrifting and searching
For art
Authenticity
Meaning
Which genre of human
You fit into
Plodding north
Plodding south
Holding hands
Or sitting alone
Scribbling in moleskins
Or pushing strollers
Wearing babies and small dogs
As a fashion accessory

These are the sounds
These are the sights
of Bedford Avenue
On a Saturday night

Nowhere better to be
Than Bedford Avenue
On a Saturday night
Smoking a Newport or a Clove
Stop into the organic market
Or the cheese shop
Or get some wine
Wear a beard
And your unshowered skin
Your bedbug bites and dandruff
Squinting through coke bottle glasses
Strutting and breathing
In your boots and jeans
Girlfriends and boyfriends
In a candle-lit café
Or strolling the street
Drinking Bud-Lite
From a bag

Welcome to the lights
Such alternative sights
On Bedford Avenue
On a Saturday night

Fags with fat girls
Dykes with pierced ears
And children and moms
Having somewhere to be
Someone to see
You are someone
In the city
In the show
Of hair and teeth
Wheezing coffee breath
Yogurt
Meat
Skateboards and bikes
Scarves and guitars
Headphones, yawning beards
Keep walking
Keep going

And breathe in the smoke
And the lights
Of Bedford Avenue
On a Saturday night
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

is bedford ave the most authentic/relevant/meaningful street in bk/NYC/America/the World?
what's ur fav relevant bar/thai restaurant/cafe/record store/thrift store/bodega/organic foods market on bedford ave?
will the new duane reade 'crush' kings pharmacy?
is bedford ave a street, or more of a 'state-of-mind' [via being tanked/danked]?
do black ppl still live in bk?
r hipsters 'the effing dead-end of western cultural civilizations'?
r u just another lonely bro, sitting in a cafe window counter, surfing the internets on your macbook/writing meaningful lyrics in a moleskine, wearing giant noise-canceling dr dre headphones?
do ppl in new york actually do anything?

what r these sounds?

listen
to the
symphony
of
the city

the rattle
of
plastic cups
on
pavement

and the
squeeech
of
bus brakes

a vruumvruummmming
motorcycle
on the
overpass

and
latin music
from the
cantina
across
the street

listen
to this
awful
wonderful
place

put
your
ear
down
to the
sidewalk cracks

and
listen
to the
thumping
of
bike wheels
on
bedford
foot flaps
on
union
the hot hum
of the
subway
worming
through the
underbelly

listen
and
taste
the sickness
and
respawning
of
air
one eye
in
one eye
out


and it
sings
to you
and you
listen