Thursday, June 24, 2010

evr been on a cruise?


Cruise ship tourists
So sick of u
U are old, brittle, spotted, and flabby
From Middle America
Worked at a mill your whole life
Now u live in Arizona
And drag your annoyed kids/grandkids
Along with u
On a giant boat
With buffets, Jack Lemmonbro + Walter Matthau,
Barry Manilow songs
To ‘see the world’
Hobbling around on a cane/walker/wheelchair
Buying shittie souvenir junk
That’ll eventually just gather dust
On your mantle
Until you croak
And your kids dump it
At their local thrift store

Cruise ship tourists
So sick of u
Even tho my job
Is to educate you on local history
Via the lens of historical artifacts
Even tho you are this community’s
Primary economic resource
Next to fish
(How does it feel to be about as important
As some fish?)
U are like thousands of lurching
Drooling
Expensive digital SLR camera wielding
Parasites
Who seem to have developed
A symbiotic relationship
With your host
The town
While secretly u suck the
Life spirit and the blood
From our little town’s fragile body
Until the eventual ruin
Dessication
And fall of us all
Sinking into the sea

Cruise ship tourists
So sick of u
U lumber the streets like zombies
Dressed in silly raincoats
Old man khakis
Windbreaker suits from the 1990’s
Fishing hats
Overpriced North Face fleeces
U are characterless and dull
Consumerist idiots
Taken advantage of
By the capitalist tourist industry
Trying to sell u
An ‘authentic’ and ‘meaningful’ ‘experience’
And u buy into it
Thinking u r the first to have ever set foot
In this ‘exotic’ environment
You are a cultural pioneer
Getting cultured
Consuming and
Consuming and
Consuming
All the culture
Getting fed to you with a medicine spoon
Like the tasty pink stuff
They gave you as a kid

Cruise ship tourists
So sick of u
h8 u
Stop asking stupid questions
Get out of my way
Get back on your effing boat
Go back to Arizona
Goodbye

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Did your grandparents ever ‘force’ u onto a cruise?
Did you ever have a ‘cruise ship romance’?
Do u ‘h8’ tourists?
Should all ‘old people’ be sent somewhere to die?
What was your most ‘authentic’ and ‘meaningful’ tourist ‘experience’?

1 comment:

  1. Haha I was never forced onto a cruise. I didn't have a cruise ship romance when I was on one either because I was the only person my age when I was on it...everyone was either really old or really young for the most part. I don't h8 tourists, and honestly I think you were a bit too harsh on them in this post, and I would argue against some of your points. Haha all old people are sent somewhere to die, it's called Florida!! My most "authentic" and "meaningful" tourist experience was when I went to Mexico on a cruise ship and got to see some Mayan ruins...I thought that was pretty cool.

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