have u evr lived in a huge effing white house?

this is a white house
for a white bro
this is my house
it is a chill house

this is my chill kitchen
where i make chill meals
and bake tasty treats
like veggie burgers
and brownies


i have a big living room
where i bro down w/my bros
memorable white people dinner parties
& meaningful utube sessions






sometimes we vibe down
on the front porch
sunday morning veggie scramble brunch
sans-high fructose corn syrup catsup
mid-afternoon organic free-trade coffee breaks

upstairs there’s my bedroom
killer views from all the windows
and a chill couch
watchin movies on my laptop
post-apocalyptic denzel washington
timothy treadwell grizzly man style


i have a big basement too
full of lots of chill-ass old shit
weird alien psycho-magnetic torture instruments
& ghosts

overall, my white house
has been a chill white person place to live
its my castle of good vibes
between the mountains and the sea
and a good place to pick
salmon berries

summer’s almost over, tho
all my bros r gone
don’t have much 2 do n e more
cept sit o my ass
watchin 1980s VHS tapes
eating triscuits & cheetos
slamin down some ranier,
nectar of the p bar gods


gotta pack my bags now
stuffed with chill White E merch
gonna hit the road
for an authentic alaskan wilderness adventure
no1 has evr done b4

gonna miss u, white house
u r a chill house
4 chill bros
I will miss ur creaks and leaky faucets
& ur chill-ass bathroom wallpaper

ill always remember
running around inside of u
bare ass naked
throwin shit down your staircase
listening to your awesome-ass
portable radio

white house
chill house
bro house –
ur in my <3, house house
just chillin down 2 some chill vibes
in little sitkatown
<3 u
<3 u
<3 u

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
have yall ever lived/broed down in the white house?
have yall ever lived in a national historic landmark?
is my house the chillest house?
what was ur favorite partie @ the white house?
is creed the gr8est band of all time?
r u hot, wet, drippin w/sweat?
when was the last time u faced your fear?
do u prefer rock brownies, or brownie batter sludge drink?
what is ur favorite VHS tape to watch?
do u like ur veggie burgers with or w/o buns?
do u like ur catsup with or w/o high fructose corn syrup?
have u ever seen a ghost in my house?
is ranier better than PBR/miller high lifes?
is denzel washington the gr8st actor of all black people?
is the white house the broest place to bro of all brotime?
will u miss my house?
did I actually live in this house?
was this a dream?

will u b my bro 4evar?

Will u b my bro 4evar?
Or was this just a dream?
Were we really friends in Sitka?
Were we really a good team?

Will u b my bro 4life?
Or was this all made up?
I’ll miss comin’ 2 the Larkspur
2 chill & say ‘wuz up?’

Will u be my bro 4evar?
Or have the ties been cut?
We’ll facebook chat and cell phone text
But the distance still sucks butt

Will u b my bro 4life?
Or were we just on drugs?
I’ll miss ur goofy laughter
& our occasional bro hugs

Will u b my bro 4evar?
It seems we did so much
The P Bar, the radio, and Conan
We had that 'special' touch

Will u b my bro 4life?
Or will this fade away?
Sometimes we all have to move on
But I wish that u could stay

Will u b my bro 4evar?
I hope u will, my friend
As long as we have the Internet
Our friendship will never ‘end’

Maybe I’ll see u in NY
Or maybe off in Thailand
But whatever happens
Wherever we go
I just want
2 let u know
Our broship has been real grand

<3 u bro

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
Have u evar missed ur bro?
Do u h8 only being able to have a ‘facebook’/ ‘text-message’ friendship?
Am I on drugs?

who'll stop the rain?

Rainy Saturday
Lyin in my bed
6 pm
Under a blanket
Starin out the window
Rain
Fog in the trees
Rain

Rainy Saturday
Sittin in my kitchen
Eatin a cookie
Prairie Home Companion
718 pm
Starin out the window
Rain
Fog in the trees
Fog where the mountain should be
Starin out the window
Rain

Rainy Saturday
Rain
It wont stop raining
Rain
Rainy Saturday
Rain

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
how long has it been raining?
do you <3/h8 rain?
r u confused as to why i posted this bloem on a tuesday?
do u <3/h8 Prairie bros companions?
who will stop the rain? [via CCRbros]

what dyall do in cafes?

i am an authentic bro
sketching w/$20 colored pencils
in a 500-page leather bound sketchbook
sitting in a relevant café
in sitka
with a skuzzy beard
and fingerless gloves
that make me look ‘down to earth’/‘homeless’
but also wearing trendy thick-rimmed glasses
to suggest that I am still ‘intellectual’/‘thoughtful’/‘deep’
waiting for some hot broads
to ask me abt my ‘art’
i will flip through my sketchbook
to show them my meaningful drawings
that represent
my unique and insightful
perspective of the world
i grew up in the suburbs of middle america
north carolina
now i have shunned
my mnstrm suburban roots
come to alaska
to ‘get real’ abt life
and search 4 spiritual enlightenment
i am a fisherman/trailworker/wandering soul
becoming ‘one with nature’
turning my back on material things
sipping a $6 soy mocha chai spice vegan latte
and when I have learned all alaska has to teach
i will migrate
to williamsburg/portland/seattle/san fran
and live in an anarchist collective/freegan house/$2,000-a-month 1-bedroom apt.
to share my meaningful experiences
and my art
with other young and authentic spirits
this is my life, yall
sitka is MY town
just a pudgy beard bro
sitting in a relevant cafe
sketching in a 500-page leather bound sketchbook
w/$20 colored pencils


_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
what dyall do in cafes?
what is the most authentic/relevant cafe?
do u use colored pencils or water colors?
do u use a moleskine journal?
r u 'authentic crusty' or just 'aesthetically crusty'?

have yall evr climbed a mtn?

climbing a mntn
just me n my bro
clouds rollin ovr the sea

bros of the sky
just climbin a mntn
bros who r hopeful n free

bros of the mntn
just bros of the land
just the mntn, my bro, and me

just climbin a mntn
just me and my bro
clouds rollin ovr the sea

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
have yall evr climbed a mountain with your bro?
what was the highest mntn you climbed?
dyall drink mntn dew?
are mntns more authentic than the sea?

evr been on a cruise?

Cruise ship tourists
So sick of u
U are old, brittle, spotted, and flabby
From Middle America
Worked at a mill your whole life
Now u live in Arizona
And drag your annoyed kids/grandkids
Along with u
On a giant boat
With buffets, Jack Lemmonbro + Walter Matthau,
Barry Manilow songs
To ‘see the world’
Hobbling around on a cane/walker/wheelchair
Buying shittie souvenir junk
That’ll eventually just gather dust
On your mantle
Until you croak
And your kids dump it
At their local thrift store

Cruise ship tourists
So sick of u
Even tho my job
Is to educate you on local history
Via the lens of historical artifacts
Even tho you are this community’s
Primary economic resource
Next to fish
(How does it feel to be about as important
As some fish?)
U are like thousands of lurching
Drooling
Expensive digital SLR camera wielding
Parasites
Who seem to have developed
A symbiotic relationship
With your host
The town
While secretly u suck the
Life spirit and the blood
From our little town’s fragile body
Until the eventual ruin
Dessication
And fall of us all
Sinking into the sea

Cruise ship tourists
So sick of u
U lumber the streets like zombies
Dressed in silly raincoats
Old man khakis
Windbreaker suits from the 1990’s
Fishing hats
Overpriced North Face fleeces
U are characterless and dull
Consumerist idiots
Taken advantage of
By the capitalist tourist industry
Trying to sell u
An ‘authentic’ and ‘meaningful’ ‘experience’
And u buy into it
Thinking u r the first to have ever set foot
In this ‘exotic’ environment
You are a cultural pioneer
Getting cultured
Consuming and
Consuming and
Consuming
All the culture
Getting fed to you with a medicine spoon
Like the tasty pink stuff
They gave you as a kid

Cruise ship tourists
So sick of u
h8 u
Stop asking stupid questions
Get out of my way
Get back on your effing boat
Go back to Arizona
Goodbye

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Did your grandparents ever ‘force’ u onto a cruise?
Did you ever have a ‘cruise ship romance’?
Do u ‘h8’ tourists?
Should all ‘old people’ be sent somewhere to die?
What was your most ‘authentic’ and ‘meaningful’ tourist ‘experience’?

have yall ever lived in sitka, alaska?

i am the sitkabro
i am the bro who lives in sitka
livin in a 1916 U.S. Forest Service and Geodetic survey house, painted
all white, on a hill
workin @ a ‘historical museum,’ doin collections data
input in the Past Perfects
writin up some new text labels for sillie tourists to read


i am the sitkabro
kinda lonely
spending my free time runnin through totem park
bikin out the Halibut Point Road and the Sawmill
Creeks
hikin up the mountain trails
lookin at the bald eagles so mighty and free
glancin at the waves for sea lion and whale bros
hopin i dont run into a bear
but kinda hopin i do

i am the sitkabro
sittin at the P Bar
sippin a brew
writin poetry and listenin to some mnstrm jukebox
jams
wearin red pants and long greasy hair
lookin kinda outta place amongst these rough and
authentic fishermen bros
kinda wish i was ‘average’ and ‘normal-looking’
kinda dont

i am the sitkabro
i am just a chill bro
with a lot of internal fear/anxiety/rage
i am just chillin in the Alaska
takin in the 18 hour sunlight
i like to live the chill life
the adventurous life

i am the bro who lives in sitka
i am the sitkabro



-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
is sitka a chill place to live?
have yall been to the P Bar?
do you like 'mnstrm jukebox jams'?
eagle, bear, sea lion, whale: which animal is the best personification of 'freedom'?
is alaska the most authentic alternative state?