Showing posts with label Religion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Religion. Show all posts

Saturday, May 21, 2011

yall excited 4 the RAPTURE!!!???

we've had some gr8 internet memes so far this year, yall
charlies sheen, rebecca black, donald trump, obama bin laden
in our overpopulated blog/youtube/internet meme economy
seems like a new meme cums & goes evry week
& i can barely keep track of them all
maybe i just don't have enough snark in me
2 become a 'prime-time' 'snarky meme blogger'
but since the rapture is literally 'just around the bend,'
i can't resist throwing in my '2 effing cents' sometimes, living in our godless urban cesspools of art, fashion, culture, and gay sex
it's easy 2 forget that there's 'a whole nother world out there, yall'
in middle america
populated by millions of overweight, unemployed white people [and mexicans]
with nothing better 2 do than watch satellite TV, monday night football, and Jersey Shore;
shop at the local Hot Topic or American Eagle;
eat Taco Bell;
and worship unicorns/the
'BIG GUY IN THE SKY' is it insensitive of the 'elitist, pretentious, educated, secular media sphere'
2 make fun of mnstrm americans snarfing down fast food & worshiping the one and only LORD JESUS CHRIST?
hells yeah it's insensitive!
he's already here, bb!
no wonder this guy thinks it's the end of the world
looks some1 dug him up from the grave & pulled a rake over him!
'it's the end of the world as we know it, yall, but i feel more 'mummy-like' than fine' -Harold Cambell

but SRSLY
why hasn't anyone realized that the 'end-of-the-world' gimmick
is just the greatest website advertising meme [via FAMILY RADIO]
of all time?
or was this just some stunt by R.E.M. 2 get youtube hits & try 2 be 'relevant' again?

these people don't look dangerous - - & maybe some miraculous day they actually will die out
& we can snark them left and right, up & down until they do

but they r a real threat to the well-being of democracy & social cooperation among the human race

truth is
religious fundamentalism doesn't help anyone
& only perpetuates social dissent, ignorance, poverty, & h8
they're welcome 2 their rapture
A new pride my ego taught me, and this I teach men: no longer to bury one's head in the sand of heavenly things, but to bear it freely, an earthly head, which creates a meaning for the earth. A new will I teach men: to will this way which man has walked blindly, and to affirm it, and no longer to sneak away from it like the sick and decaying.
-Zarathustra, [via FRIEDRICH EFFING NIETZSCHE]


keep on dancin til the world ends, yall!!! [damn, brit, ur lookin good, bb!]

*****

TOP 10 REASONS 2 CELEBRATE THE APOCALYPSE:
10. no more youtube vidoes like this!:

9. all gays can finally get married!
8. in the event of a world-wide earthquake, a great chance to thrash some sick, tsunami-style waVVes!
7. more time 4 blogging!
6. mad max will b there!
6. wont have 2 repay student loans!
6. 200 million less Xtians = more space for pagan sex orgies, yall!
3. can use all the empty churches for acid raves!
2. pigs wearing green boots!
1. more time 2 chill down with my chill, crust-punk dad!

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
how are u celebrating the RAPTURE?
do u listen to THE FAMILY RADIOS DOT COM?
will u be burning in [hell][heaven][other]?
does brittney spears look 'smokin hot'?
what has been ur fav 'meme of the week' of 2k11?
do u like the SALEM 'dancing 2 the world ends' vid better than brittney's? [s00 dark, yall]
will ben affleck & bruce willis save us? or will elijah wood/lele zeblowski/morgan freeman hussein obama save us?

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

hey yall it's me, JESUS, r u listening?

hey yall
it’s me
JESUS EFFING CHRIST
sup

it’s that
‘special time of year’ again
thought i’d fill u in
abt ‘what’s happenin’ upstairs
2k10
had it’s ‘rough spots’
film & indie mp3s
r ‘swirling down the shitter’
the economy suxs
our president is an ‘effing muslim’
gheys are allowed in the military
there’s a duane reade on bedford avenue
+ oprah is abt 2 go ‘off the air’

but hey
hold up
my cool dad
THE LORD
& i r still here 4 u
we’re just rlly busy sometimes
got a lot of sh*t 2 take care of
weekly g-chats
w/president bush & mark zuckerberg
monday night football
s00 many blogs 2 read
n e way
things r pretty chill
up here in heaven
unlimited nachos
rivers of PBR
& ‘hot ass angels’

we’re currently renovating
the ‘alternative part of town’
to include more vegan cafes
Apple products
american apparrel outlets
& organic whole food markets

a lot of precious little 20-something alties
have joined us this year
have u heard of this thing
called ‘iDosing’?
then there’s the usual
heroin OD’s
& suicides
not condoning suicide
or n e thing
but i know ur parents can
be ‘butt holes’ sometimes
or ur overweight
ugly
or just can’t handle
the pressure of
living in suburbia
in which case –
(& don’t tell my dad abt this)
but it might not be a bad idea
to ‘do urself in’
rlly
it’s pretty sweet up here
did I mention
there r rivers of effing PBR?


n e way
where was i
i was chillin
w/my bro st. effing nick
the other night
throwin back some natty lite
we got on the subject of
my b-day
DECEMBER 25
& nick wuz like
‘yo, CHRIST,
what’s the deal bro?
no1 seems 2
rlly give a sh*t
abt u n e more
some 4-yr-old grl
@ walmart told me
“listen, Santa, J.C. can S a D –
just get me an effing iPad
OK?”’
i sighed
i know nick is right
all ppl rlly want
r ‘material things’
iPods, dvds, blue rays
flat screen TVs
starbucks & iTunes gift cards
no1 gives a F
abt holy xtian enlightenment n e more
look
all im gonna say is this:
iPods r programmed to die
after 1.5 yrs
starbucks is imperialist bllsht
iTunes is a rip off
& u should rlly b using
rapid share
or some other illegal downloading
software
to get ur mp3s
& i don’t wanna brag or n e thing
but hey, i kinda
‘died 4 ur effing sins’
so it might b nice
if u could show old J.C. a lil luv
come dec 25
& if not me
at least tell
ur friends and family
‘i luv u’
even if they are ‘effing butt holes’
well
happy holidays
hope yall can attend
some relevant ‘ugly sweater partie’
don’t drink 2 much eggnogg
hope yall have a great 2k11
keep it holy

<3 <3 x0x0x0 your bro,
JESUS H. CHRIST

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
r yall xcited for xmas?
do u have 'the spirit of xmas?'
d0 believe in CHRIST?
do u believe in santa?
do u believe in magic?
when did u learn santa was 'effing fake'?
r ur relatives coming over for xmas?
does n e one care abt n e thing except 'material sh*t'?
is xtianity/all religion an 'effing joke'?