hey yall it's me, JESUS, r u listening?

hey yall
it’s me
JESUS EFFING CHRIST
sup

it’s that
‘special time of year’ again
thought i’d fill u in
abt ‘what’s happenin’ upstairs
2k10
had it’s ‘rough spots’
film & indie mp3s
r ‘swirling down the shitter’
the economy suxs
our president is an ‘effing muslim’
gheys are allowed in the military
there’s a duane reade on bedford avenue
+ oprah is abt 2 go ‘off the air’

but hey
hold up
my cool dad
THE LORD
& i r still here 4 u
we’re just rlly busy sometimes
got a lot of sh*t 2 take care of
weekly g-chats
w/president bush & mark zuckerberg
monday night football
s00 many blogs 2 read
n e way
things r pretty chill
up here in heaven
unlimited nachos
rivers of PBR
& ‘hot ass angels’

we’re currently renovating
the ‘alternative part of town’
to include more vegan cafes
Apple products
american apparrel outlets
& organic whole food markets

a lot of precious little 20-something alties
have joined us this year
have u heard of this thing
called ‘iDosing’?
then there’s the usual
heroin OD’s
& suicides
not condoning suicide
or n e thing
but i know ur parents can
be ‘butt holes’ sometimes
or ur overweight
ugly
or just can’t handle
the pressure of
living in suburbia
in which case –
(& don’t tell my dad abt this)
but it might not be a bad idea
to ‘do urself in’
rlly
it’s pretty sweet up here
did I mention
there r rivers of effing PBR?


n e way
where was i
i was chillin
w/my bro st. effing nick
the other night
throwin back some natty lite
we got on the subject of
my b-day
DECEMBER 25
& nick wuz like
‘yo, CHRIST,
what’s the deal bro?
no1 seems 2
rlly give a sh*t
abt u n e more
some 4-yr-old grl
@ walmart told me
“listen, Santa, J.C. can S a D –
just get me an effing iPad
OK?”’
i sighed
i know nick is right
all ppl rlly want
r ‘material things’
iPods, dvds, blue rays
flat screen TVs
starbucks & iTunes gift cards
no1 gives a F
abt holy xtian enlightenment n e more
look
all im gonna say is this:
iPods r programmed to die
after 1.5 yrs
starbucks is imperialist bllsht
iTunes is a rip off
& u should rlly b using
rapid share
or some other illegal downloading
software
to get ur mp3s
& i don’t wanna brag or n e thing
but hey, i kinda
‘died 4 ur effing sins’
so it might b nice
if u could show old J.C. a lil luv
come dec 25
& if not me
at least tell
ur friends and family
‘i luv u’
even if they are ‘effing butt holes’
well
happy holidays
hope yall can attend
some relevant ‘ugly sweater partie’
don’t drink 2 much eggnogg
hope yall have a great 2k11
keep it holy

<3 <3 x0x0x0 your bro,
JESUS H. CHRIST

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
r yall xcited for xmas?
do u have 'the spirit of xmas?'
d0 believe in CHRIST?
do u believe in santa?
do u believe in magic?
when did u learn santa was 'effing fake'?
r ur relatives coming over for xmas?
does n e one care abt n e thing except 'material sh*t'?
is xtianity/all religion an 'effing joke'?