how do u meet some1 @ trader joes?

skinny lil grocery baggers
& lil produce-stocker foodies:
trader joe's is a fantastic store
cuz all the bois are keuties

i needed to get some fixins
4 the big football bash on sunday
& when i stood in the checkout line
i saw u glancing my way

a keut lil trader joe's bagger
w/a beard & a lil black beanie
did our eyes meet just by chance?
or did u want to bag my weenie?

when i peered @ u a 2nd time
i new there was something there
i wanted u 2 know i liked u too
but i didn't want 2 glare

i was assigned a bagger two stalls behind u
but i slowed deliberately as i passed u by
u tipped up your chin, i smiled back
w/a lil glimmer in my eye

but that was that, u had 2 keep bagging
& i carried my groceries 2 the street
i wish i could have said 'hi bro, how's it goin?'
but we never got 2 meet

perhaps u've forgotten my face by now
through trader joe's many attractive men flow
the hipster type, with scraggly beards
we must all look the same 2 u, i know

maybe i'll see u next week
& u'll get to bag my food
i'll tell u my name, give u my #
say, 'u seem like a pretty cool dude'

but maybe tuesday night was all we get
the only moment on earth we'll share
the thought makes me feel quite lonely
sometimes it seems too much 2 bear

we're all alone in this big gross city
it's dark, it's scary, it's cold
but maybe to meet a partner
i've just got 2 b a lil more bold

i salute u, keut lil bagger
bagging food at the trader joe's
i hope we can meet, hang out, go on a date
maybe we're meant 2 b, maybe u'll b my mate
i'll be glad if that's how the wind blows

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
is trader joe's more authentic than the wholes foodses?
r the trader joe's staff s0000 alt-keut?
how r u supposed to meet some1 in a public space?
how do u find a date?
hav u ever made suggestive eye contact w/some1 @ trader joe's/a nightclub/mcdonalds/the L train/at an AnCo show? how did it turn out 4u?
did u go on craigslist the next day and search the 'missed connections' tab?
did u write a 'missed connections' post on craigslist?
r we all sad, lonely ppl?
should i get a job @ trader joe's drawing chalk doodles of bananas?

r u alt?

wllmsbrg’s a friendly place
it’s home 2 a vry special race
of human, called the ‘effing alts’
being alt is what it’s all abt
‘what does it mean 2 b alt?’ u say?
well, 2 start, most alts r usually ghey
most alts wear vry skinny jeans
& can sing AnCo songs in their most danked-out dreams
alts – or ‘hipsters,’ as they’re also called –
r on the cutting edge of the cultural crowd
at least that’s what some of them seem 2 think
btw – most alts don’t shower, so they usually stink
it’s pretty easy 2 stereotype the alt
but treat them nice – it’s not their fault
that their parents r rich, or that they can’t keep a job
they’re not just some emotionless blob! no! alts have hopes, & alts have important hopes, 2
& not just 2 show that they’re better than u
they want 2 help, & they want 2 luvvv
they want 2 worship our good LORD above
i must admit, i’m kinda alt
not real sure why i took that route
it’s hard 2 find such trendy clothes…
why we’re alt, maybe no1 knows
but in the end, the truth is this –
& this is something some alts miss – :
alt or mnstrm, we’re all the same
we’re all caught up in a frightful game
we’re all afraid, we’re all alone
we just want bros & a home of our own
we don’t want 2 be forgotten, we don’t want 2 die
we just want a kute some1 2 look in our eyes
& whisper, ‘i luv u 4 u, & nothing more,
& i don’t care how alt u r, or if ur a bore’
we want 2 find purpose, we want 2 find meaning
we want 2 touch the axis
on which the earth’s leaning
so i invite u, my bros, 2 check out my hood
it’s full of useless 20-somethings in an alternative mood
wllmsbrg
is the place 2 b
2 b alt
2 b hipster
2 set ur lil altie <3 free

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
r u alt?
why r u alt?
what does it mean 2 b alt?
r ppl born alt, or can u become alt?
what genre of human r u? [via hipster, alt, blipster, scenester, altbro, altbag, altbroad, teen, tween, cool dad, cool mom, crustie, mnstrmr, lmstrmr]
r effing hipsters the effing 'dead end of western civilization'?
r u sad, lonely, & just wanna 'connect' 2 other alts? [via facebook/twitter/blogs?]
r we all the same?

so ur gettin 'hitched'?

Some people get married young
Some people get married old
Some people get married in hot weather
Some people get married in the cold

Sometimes a man marries a woman
Or a man will marry a man
Sometimes three people will try to get married
Although that type of stuff is usually banned

People get married because they love each other
People get married because they want babies
People get married just for something to do
Some people who get married even have rabies

Jews marry Christians
And monotheists marry polytheists
Agnostics marry Muslims
And Buddhists marry atheists

Some women dream their whole life of getting married
Walking down the aisle with their dad
Some women will never marry
Because they think the institution’s simply ‘bad’

Some brides wear big white dresses
Some brides dress like hos
Some grooms wear tailored suits
Some just dress like bros

Weddings can be big or small
In a church or on the sand
Hundreds of families, friends, and loved ones
Will fly across the land

Some will settle for a courthouse
With two or three friends near
Or some elope in Vegas
After drinking too much beer

Some people are married forever
Some people get divorced
Some marriages flow smoothly
Some marriages feel forced

Married people will have great sex
And married people will have it awful
Married people will have traditional sex
And married people will have sex that verges on unlawful

Married people are tall and small
Married people are rich and poor
Married people are white and black
Some married people you invite into your home;
Some married people you’ll kick out the back door

Some married people never speak
Some married people are each others’ best friends
Some married people resent each other
Some married people stay in love until their life ends

Whoever you marry
And for however long
And whatever happens throughout the years
I hope the love is strong

You’re both in pretty deep now
Until death should do you part
You’ve got two very different lives
But they’re beating with one heart

So happy to be able to call you my pals
I <3 u so goddamn much
Though I can’t be there in person
I’m sending you good vibes n’such

Marriage is a wonderful thing
And marriage is so scary
It’s pretty horrifying, really
But I don’t think you should be wary

You’ve come this far, at least
And that’s got to count for something
So hold your breath
Grasp your hands
Take the plunge untethered

And as you fall
At least you know
You’re doing this
Together

<3 u E + P
<3 S
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
have you ever gotten ‘hitched’?
do u <3/h8 your spouse?
where did you/will u get married?
have u still not ‘consummated’ your marriage?
will you have babies, adopt, or artificially inseminate?
is monogamy ‘effing overrated’?
should I get married?
is 'the princess bride' 'sooooo funnie'?