hey yall it's me, JESUS, r u listening?

hey yall
it’s me
JESUS EFFING CHRIST
sup

it’s that
‘special time of year’ again
thought i’d fill u in
abt ‘what’s happenin’ upstairs
2k10
had it’s ‘rough spots’
film & indie mp3s
r ‘swirling down the shitter’
the economy suxs
our president is an ‘effing muslim’
gheys are allowed in the military
there’s a duane reade on bedford avenue
+ oprah is abt 2 go ‘off the air’

but hey
hold up
my cool dad
THE LORD
& i r still here 4 u
we’re just rlly busy sometimes
got a lot of sh*t 2 take care of
weekly g-chats
w/president bush & mark zuckerberg
monday night football
s00 many blogs 2 read
n e way
things r pretty chill
up here in heaven
unlimited nachos
rivers of PBR
& ‘hot ass angels’

we’re currently renovating
the ‘alternative part of town’
to include more vegan cafes
Apple products
american apparrel outlets
& organic whole food markets

a lot of precious little 20-something alties
have joined us this year
have u heard of this thing
called ‘iDosing’?
then there’s the usual
heroin OD’s
& suicides
not condoning suicide
or n e thing
but i know ur parents can
be ‘butt holes’ sometimes
or ur overweight
ugly
or just can’t handle
the pressure of
living in suburbia
in which case –
(& don’t tell my dad abt this)
but it might not be a bad idea
to ‘do urself in’
rlly
it’s pretty sweet up here
did I mention
there r rivers of effing PBR?


n e way
where was i
i was chillin
w/my bro st. effing nick
the other night
throwin back some natty lite
we got on the subject of
my b-day
DECEMBER 25
& nick wuz like
‘yo, CHRIST,
what’s the deal bro?
no1 seems 2
rlly give a sh*t
abt u n e more
some 4-yr-old grl
@ walmart told me
“listen, Santa, J.C. can S a D –
just get me an effing iPad
OK?”’
i sighed
i know nick is right
all ppl rlly want
r ‘material things’
iPods, dvds, blue rays
flat screen TVs
starbucks & iTunes gift cards
no1 gives a F
abt holy xtian enlightenment n e more
look
all im gonna say is this:
iPods r programmed to die
after 1.5 yrs
starbucks is imperialist bllsht
iTunes is a rip off
& u should rlly b using
rapid share
or some other illegal downloading
software
to get ur mp3s
& i don’t wanna brag or n e thing
but hey, i kinda
‘died 4 ur effing sins’
so it might b nice
if u could show old J.C. a lil luv
come dec 25
& if not me
at least tell
ur friends and family
‘i luv u’
even if they are ‘effing butt holes’
well
happy holidays
hope yall can attend
some relevant ‘ugly sweater partie’
don’t drink 2 much eggnogg
hope yall have a great 2k11
keep it holy

<3 <3 x0x0x0 your bro,
JESUS H. CHRIST

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
r yall xcited for xmas?
do u have 'the spirit of xmas?'
d0 believe in CHRIST?
do u believe in santa?
do u believe in magic?
when did u learn santa was 'effing fake'?
r ur relatives coming over for xmas?
does n e one care abt n e thing except 'material sh*t'?
is xtianity/all religion an 'effing joke'?

do u go 2 museums?

Museums are the place we gather
To tell stories about ourselves

Museums are the place we preserve the artifacts of
Art, History, Culture, and Science

Museums tell stories through the lens
Of unique and precious objects

Museums are the place
Where Infinity
'Goes up on trial' [via Bob Dylanbro]

The museum is a tomb
The museum is a temple
The museum is a forum
The museum is a monument
The museum is our life

Objects and objects
Paintings and dioramas and statues and maps
A labyrinth of galleries and display cases
Dim lighting and hushed voices
Tourists and school groups and lonely college bros
Searching for Truth
Searching for Meaning in the kaleidoscope of material things
A bucket of Knowledge splattered on the walls and stretched up some classical columns

So much to read
So much to see
So much to consume

Feel overwhelmed by all a museum represents
And all it wants me to feel

A woman sitting in a chair

Some stuffed grizzly bears

A painting behind three layers of glass

A dinosaur and some naked ghey cavemenbros

A building inside a building

I’m just a normal bro
Trying to ‘figure it all out’
I just want to learn
I just want to think
I just want to live a meaningful existence

Museum Bro Museum Bro
Your labels tell me what is right and what is wrong
You preserve what would have been lost

But try as you might, Museum Bro
You cannot prevent the inevitable
The decay and the rot of the human race
Though in the meantime
You offer us a pleasant platform on which we stand
To conduct the heavy business of denying the harsh reality
Of our eventual
Extinction

Museum, Museum,
I am lost in you, Museum
And when the sun blows up
And everything within you melts
I will be lost in you 4evar

<3 / h8 u, museums + squid and the whale bros

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

do u go 2 museums?
what’s your favorite type of museum?
are museums still ‘relevant’ 2 ‘societie’?
are museums ‘effing racist colonialist imperialist primitivizing’ 'shrines' to ‘white Western civilization’?
is ‘working in a museum’ a ‘valid’ / ‘legitimate’ / ‘socially contributive’ ‘career’?
have yall ever spent a ‘crazie nite @ the museum’ [via Ben Stillerbro]?