Cant wait to be a Cool Dad
So I can show my son
That Im sensitive to his need to live an authentic and meaningful
alternative lifestyle
Even if he doesnt want to play sports like ‘normal’ kids
Or is just basically athletically inept
Cant wait to be a Cool Dad
So I can show my son
My old collegebro itunes playlists with songs by eternally relevant
p4k-acclaimed ‘artists’ like the animal collectives,
The neon Indians, the washed out, the memory t^apes, and the toro y bro
I will tell him how much I hated ‘inconsequential mnstrm bullshit’
like the Jay Zzzzs, the johnmayerbro, and the coldplays
Cant wait to listen to the Justicebros & Fleet Foxesbros with my son
while showing him concert pix I took with my smartphone/digital SLR camera
‘I was there, son,’ I will say. ‘It was chill’
Cant wait to be a Cool Dad
Still wearing thrift store clothes and wayfarer sunglasses while
working at some ‘progressive’ & ‘socially contributive’ non-profit, possibly run by the dave eggers bro
Raising my son to be ‘environmentally conscious’ on a
vegetarian/vegan diet purchased from the Whole Foods/Traders Joes/whatever free-range/locally-grown-organic farmers market we live closest to
We will only use organic beeswax soap, and only flush the toilet
when we go ‘no. 2’
I will tell my son to try not to seem like he cares about material
things,
But that he should at least throw down for some expensive
headphones [via sound quality being very imprtnt]
I will ride my bike to ‘work’ and encourage my son to skateboard to
school
To minimize our family’s ‘carbon footprint’
And so girls think he is ‘kuet’ & ‘kewl’
Cant wait to be a Cool Dad
So I can help my son through his ‘hateful tween years’
By suggesting he ‘sweat it out’ to classics like the Clashbros and
the Sonic Youths
I will pay for his guitar lessons and let him jam with his bros
in our wood-paneled, brown-carpeted basement
I will even let my son and his bros drink a couple beers as long as
they sleep over
I will buy my son expensive 3-day passes to the most relevant and
authentic music festivals
So that he can ‘party’ and ‘feel connected’ to other like-minded bros
in a meaningful collective environment,
Just bros havin a good time & groovin to some chill waves
Cant wait to be a Cool Dad
So I can watch my son ‘grow up’ and ‘get an education’
I will definitely encourage my son to go to a liberal arts college in
order to get the most unpractical degree possible, like ‘art
history’ or ‘romance languages’
‘College is 4 meeting cool bros and cool girls,’ I will say with a wink
Throwin down some cash for his authentic dorm room posters
Bob Marley, Scarface, Animal House Bro, Jimi Hendrix
Even when my son drunk texts me one night saying he thinks
he is ‘ghey’
I will reply ‘dont worry, bro, just a phase we all bro through’
Cant wait to be a Cool Dad
I will be my son’s #1 bro
I will be his br0 1st, his ‘parent’ 2econd
So when, after living on a couch for 1.6 - 3 years in a one-bedroom,
$2000 a month, brooklyn/seattle/portland/san
francisco/austin apartment with his three other bandmate
bros –
So when he finally realizes his band is ‘shit’
And he decides to ‘take a year off’ [via sleeping on my basement
couch & working at the local record store]
I will invite him to smoke a teeny joint with me
‘What’s up, son?’ I will say
‘Mnh,’ he will say, ‘Life isn’t what I thought itd be’
‘True,’ I’ll say
Cant wait to be a Cool Dad
So I can help my son through his ‘bitter mid-20s’ years
Look forward to helping my son ‘cope’/ ‘recover’ from his inevitable
alcohol/weed/blow/heroin/sex/porn/PBR addiction
When my son is ‘burnt out’ and ‘spent’
I will make sure his mom always cooks him his favorite food [via
tomato soup & grilled cheesy sandwich]
‘We’ve all been there,’ I will tell my son
And remind him that being an mp3 indie music blogger is always a
viable career option
Cant wait to be a Cool Dad
I will ‘act all zany’ at my son’s wedding
I will chill down with my son’s dreadlocked, tattooed, ‘artsy’
photographer wife on the dance floor
And ‘accidentally’ grab her ass
I will video tape my grandsons’ births with a Flip camera and post
the videos simultaneously to facebook/twitter/youtube
I will be a Cool Granddad who always gives his grandsons M&Ms
and a collective of [stuffed] animals
I will tell my grandsons ‘whacky’ stories about seeing ‘boobies’ at
music festivals and ‘getting hammered’ while ‘studying
abroad’ in Europe
I might even let my grandsons pull my finger and then make a
kuet farting noise
‘Ur so sillie, Granddad,’ they will say, ‘& you are kewl’
But most of all
I cant wait to be a Cool Dad
Because I will have raised a son who has become a Cool Dad
And when my brain starts to ‘get effed’ [via
alzheimer’s/dementia/too much LSD as a college bro],
And when my bones become brittle and crack,
And when I am just ‘chillin on my deathbed’
And it is time for me to give up my earthly body and climb on the
light beam of good vibes to the great animal collective in the
sky,
I will tell my Cool Dad Son,
‘Love you, bro’
And he will say,
‘Love you 2, bro.’
And he will say,
‘You were a chill dad.’
And he will say,
‘You were a 9.6 dad.’
And then, ’fore I’m dead, last thing I will hear,
He will say,
‘Bro, you were a Cool Dad, bro.’
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
do u <3 ur dad?
r u a dad?
is your dad 'cool'?
do u h8 ur dad?
who is the world's 'coolest' dad?
is your dad 'cooler' than my dad?
have u ever smoked 'weed' w/ur dad?
