how many bros did u see @ last nite’s relevant club partie?

#_____Mnstrm bros
#_____Lamestream bros
#_____Hipster bros
#_____Alt bros
#_____Raver bros (glowstick version)

#_____Raver bros (cell phone version)
#_____Breakdancing bros
#_____Crustie bros
#_____Juggalo bros
#_____Frat bros

#_____Death metal bros
#_____Muscle bros
#_____Model bros

#_____Fro bros
#_____Uglie bros
#_____Totally keut bros
#_____Drug bros
#_____Dehydrated bros
#_____Totally ‘effed-up’ bros
#_____$5 sunglasses bros

#_____Lonely bros
#_____Shy bros
#_____Hornie bros
#_____Loud bros
#_____Bandana bros
#_____Ear plug bros
#_____Scarf bros
#_____Uglie sweater bros
#_____Wool hat bros
#_____Ginger bros

#_____CrEePiE bros

#_____White bros
#_____Black bros

#_____Mexi bros
#_____AZN bros

#_____Euro bros
#_____Jersey Shore bros
#_____USA bros
#_____Str8 bros
#_____Bi bros
#_____Ghey bros

#_____Homosexual bros [homobros]
#_____Lesbian bros [lesbros]
#_____Androgynous bros [androgynbros]
#_____Twink porn bros
#_____Tall bros
#_____Short bros
#_____College bros

#_____Underage bros
#_____Old Bros
#_____Cool dad bros
#_____Baby bros
#_____ ‘useless 20-something’ bros
#_____Moose bros

#_____Flannel bros
#_____Beard bros

#_____Mustache bros
#_____Leather jacket bros
#_____Sweat-stained white v-neck tee shirt bros
#_____Mark Zuckerbro ft. Justin Timberlake

#_____Steve Aoki

#_____Justice bros

#_____Jonas bros

#_____iPone bros
#_____Flipcamera bros
#_____Digital camera bros
#_____Digital SLR camera bros
#_____Hornie bros
#_____Grinding bros
#_____Bros who are ‘way too into it’

#_____Bros icing their bros
#_____Bros pumping their fist
#_____Bros nodding their head
#_____Bros smoking dank
#_____Bros at the partie all by themselves
#_____Bros just broing out

#_____Bros in a band
#_____Midget bros
#_____Bros w/a broken body part
#_____Hawaiian ley bros

#_____DJ bros

#_____Partie promoter bros
#_____Bros looking 4 bitches

#_____Bros looking 4 bros
#_____Bros looking 4 dudes
#_____Bros looking 4 <3

#_____Bros who want to sleigh
#_____Bros who want to crush
#_____Bros who want to kill
#_____Bros who want to get laid

#_____Bros being bros

#_____Bros being bros

#_____Bros being bros

#_____Bros who just want to effing dance, bro

= #_____TOTAL BROS

how many bros did u see @ last nite's relevant club partie?
which bro were u?
did u see any other bros not on this list? point em out bro

do u have a scuzzy ass 'effing hipster' beard?

hi
i have a beard
do u have a beard?
i luv a bro
w/a beard

hi
oh hi
nice beard, bro
ur killin it

kute beard
lil white bro
makes u look kinda manly
id hit that

oh?
u have a beard too?
sweet
lovin' it

dude, that's a sweet beard
id live in that beard
but what happened to ur band, bro?
where'd u bros go?

oh
i guess ur scruff is kewl
u should probs work a lil harder tho
maybe a chill stache

yeah
work that stache bro
lovin it
70s porn star

beards r chill, yall
super vintage
shows ur in touch
w/nature

look at this effing bro
damn walt
ur the man
ohhh shit son

hi
i have a beard
do u have a beard?
i luv a bro
w/a beard
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
do u hav a beard?
do u like men w/beards?
who has the most authentic hipster beard?
if the point of being a hipster is to look 'different,' why does everybody wind up looking the same?

friend or foe?

r u friend
or r u foe
alls i want
is a chill ass bro

the ocean is big
the ocean is deep
i just want a bro
whose trust i can keep

someone 2 laugh/w
someone to play
doesnt matter
if ur queer or gay

we're all mostly lonely
but dont have 2 b
ill give u my <3
if ur just bros w/me

we'll chill on the wavves
just scratchin our bellies
& light up a j
that gives us the sillies

alls i ask
is u dont turn ur back
dont make funnie faces
or start talkin smack

i <3 u, my bro
when you're dry or ur wet
im chill & im loyal
on that u can bet

r u my friend too?
pls dont b my foe
we're in this 2gether
in this sea full of bros

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
r sea otters 'kute as shit'?
hav u ever fought w/ur bro?
what was the fight abt?
did u get ovr it and ride some chill wavves?
whats ur favorite thing to do w/ur bro?

r u crusty?

crusty crust punk
dirty crust punk
you really
really smell
you are scummy
and you're dirty
and your armpits
smell like hell

dirty crust punk
o smelly crust punk
you are grimy
and you're dank
you have dirt
behind your ears
and your feet
smell really rank

scummy crust kid
yucky crust kid
wont you please
come with me
i will wash you
and i will bathe you
so you wont
stink like pee

mr. crusty
o crusty crusty
let me please
trim your beard
i will scrub your face
and i will comb your hair
you have nothing
to fear

o smelly crust head
scuzzy crust head
wont you please
take my hand
i want to show you
what life is like
in a clean
and cleanly land

little crusty
friendly crusty
i think im truly
in love with you
but what's lurking
in your overalls
not sure if
I want an STD too

crusty crust punk
dirty crust punk
i dont really want
you to change
i like your sweaty smell
i like your grimy nails
i like that you
are kinda strange

im just so comfortable
in my lifestyle
that you seem
like such a risk
what is life like
on the other side
wont all my friends
say tisk-tisk

it's a crazy
crazy world
filled with many
different bros
but we're mostly
all the same
feeling lost
and just confused

but mr. crusty
friendly crusty
don't you think
we can be friends
i know i'm girly
and pretentious
but i'm loyal
to the end

i will share my thoughts
you will share yours too
and we'll learn
quite a lot
though we're different
and we're strangers
a different species
we are not

so crusty crust punk
handsome crust punk
we know you really
really smell
but you're my buddy
you're my special friend
you're so funny
we'll bro down until the end
until the freezing
over of hell

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
r u a crusty, crusty crustpunk?
crusty, crustpunk, trainhopper, or gutter punk?
r u repulsed by crusties, or sorta intrigued by the 'subculture'?
r crusties the most 'authentic' subculture, or are they just an uber-dirty form of 'hipster'?
have u ever fallen in love w/a crusty/someone from a different social/cultural background?
have u ever gotten a STD?
do u wear deodorant?
shot up any chill black tar heroin l8ly?
r all crusties just rich white kids turning their back on their wealthy parents?
r some crusties really poor?
have u ever 'lived in a squat'?
is this cartoon 'funny'/'sorta funny'/'true but not funny'/'poorly drawn'/'retarded'?

r we really all so different?

have u evr lived in a huge effing white house?

this is a white house
for a white bro
this is my house
it is a chill house

this is my chill kitchen
where i make chill meals
and bake tasty treats
like veggie burgers
and brownies


i have a big living room
where i bro down w/my bros
memorable white people dinner parties
& meaningful utube sessions






sometimes we vibe down
on the front porch
sunday morning veggie scramble brunch
sans-high fructose corn syrup catsup
mid-afternoon organic free-trade coffee breaks

upstairs there’s my bedroom
killer views from all the windows
and a chill couch
watchin movies on my laptop
post-apocalyptic denzel washington
timothy treadwell grizzly man style


i have a big basement too
full of lots of chill-ass old shit
weird alien psycho-magnetic torture instruments
& ghosts

overall, my white house
has been a chill white person place to live
its my castle of good vibes
between the mountains and the sea
and a good place to pick
salmon berries

summer’s almost over, tho
all my bros r gone
don’t have much 2 do n e more
cept sit o my ass
watchin 1980s VHS tapes
eating triscuits & cheetos
slamin down some ranier,
nectar of the p bar gods


gotta pack my bags now
stuffed with chill White E merch
gonna hit the road
for an authentic alaskan wilderness adventure
no1 has evr done b4

gonna miss u, white house
u r a chill house
4 chill bros
I will miss ur creaks and leaky faucets
& ur chill-ass bathroom wallpaper

ill always remember
running around inside of u
bare ass naked
throwin shit down your staircase
listening to your awesome-ass
portable radio

white house
chill house
bro house –
ur in my <3, house house
just chillin down 2 some chill vibes
in little sitkatown
<3 u
<3 u
<3 u

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
have yall ever lived/broed down in the white house?
have yall ever lived in a national historic landmark?
is my house the chillest house?
what was ur favorite partie @ the white house?
is creed the gr8est band of all time?
r u hot, wet, drippin w/sweat?
when was the last time u faced your fear?
do u prefer rock brownies, or brownie batter sludge drink?
what is ur favorite VHS tape to watch?
do u like ur veggie burgers with or w/o buns?
do u like ur catsup with or w/o high fructose corn syrup?
have u ever seen a ghost in my house?
is ranier better than PBR/miller high lifes?
is denzel washington the gr8st actor of all black people?
is the white house the broest place to bro of all brotime?
will u miss my house?
did I actually live in this house?
was this a dream?