is middle america a drag?

Or: coming 2 terms w/ur mnstrm roots ovr the holidays: a meaningful essay
sometimes
when I spend
several months
in ____________ (relevant alt city)
i forget that there’s
‘a whole other world out there’
so i go home to ____________
(OH/WI/MN/MI/IN/etc. etc.)
to reconnect w/my family
& our middle american
MNSTRM roots
used to really resent
growning up in
small town suburbia
shopping @ walmart & american eagle
acting in community theater
playing video games in basements
driving my mom’s van
taking AP courses
wearing cargo shorts
eating cheeseburgers & meat products
& getting called a ‘fggt’ by the football team
always knew i was ‘different’
always knew i was destined for ‘bigger & better things’
'getting a useless liberal arts/design school degree'
‘studying abroad’
‘making art’
‘starting a buzzband’
‘working at a vegan café’
‘selling weed’
or just ‘doing jack sh*t’
while exploiting my parents
to live in a $800 + apt
in one of america’s
‘cultural meccas’
but now that i’m
‘getting a lil older’
going home 4 the holidays
has taken on ‘a whole new meaning’
really starting 2 appreciate
how mnstrm i used 2 b
don’t think i ever realized
how ‘good i had it’

sure –
no1 here has heard
of ‘iPads’
most ppl actually believe
in some1 named ‘GOD’
& animal cruelty
is a sunday hobby
but it’s nice not 2
wake up @ 3 in the morning
b/c my neighbor is blasting 50 cent
through my paper-thin apt walls
it’s nice 2 walk through the woods
or 2 drive around town in
my parents’ ‘gas-guzzling SUV’
instead of getting groped
by some old latino man on the subway
it’s even nice 2 wear cargo shorts
& to get a slurpie
@ my local suburban mall
hot topic rlly does have nice merchandise
(thinking abt getting a diamond-studded choker)
most of all
i’m thankful 4 my mnstrm parents
4 raising me w/conservative, xtian values
even tho i turned out 2 b kind of a
‘godless, liberal, & depressive butt hole’
they still <3 me 4 who i am
(or at least who they wished i had become)
& buy me expensive material possessions

mom makes a rlly good ‘turduckin’
& dad is rlly good
@ watching TV

all in all
i’ve realized
if i hadn’t grown up
in MNSTRM america
i never would have succeeded so well
@ becoming a cynical, jackass ‘effing hipster’
living within the snug bubble of ‘alternative culture’

i know now
no matter how bad i F up
how much debt i accrue
how much dank i smoke
how much PBR i drink
how many graduate degrees i acquire
how many mp3s i download illegally
how many times i drop my iPod on the subway tracks
how many veggie burgers i consume
how many blog entries i write
how many relevant alt music festivals i attend
how many times i study abroad
how many jonathan franzen novels i read
how skinny my jeans are –
in short, no matter how alternative i become –
i know now
i’ll always b able 2 come back
to Middle America

i'll always be able
2 come back
to MNSTRM USA
my heart
my life
my home

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
did u grow up in middle America?
do u h8/<3 going home 4 the holidays?
do u resent ur childhood?
do u wish u were raised by ‘AltParents’?
is ‘alternative culture’ overrated?
is alternative culture ‘killing our planet’?
is mnstrm American culture ‘killing our planet’?
have u come 2 terms w/ur mnstrm roots?
will u ‘burn out’ on alt city life in 1.5-3 years & move into ur parents' basement?
are there even such things as ‘alt’ & ‘mnstrm’?
does mnstrm = alt?
r the suburbs s000000 b0000ring?
is the arcade fires PRETENTIOUS EFFING BLLSHT?