what's on ur alternative xmas list?

#10.0 - TOMBOY
panda bear
where r u bro?
u promised us u would
save the indie mp3 disaster of 2k10
but then ur album nvr came out
come on man
what happened?
fall be kind came out
a million blog years ago
2k10: the great AnCo drought
just want some authentic
bleepy-bloops to listen to
walkin down some dirty street in bk
come on man
its christmas
give the indiesphere a break, will u?

#9.0 - DR DRE BEATS BY DRE HEADPHONES
i know i already have
$$$200 bose headphones
just seemed like these dr dre beats
r 'hella chill'
like they show that i identify
w/black ppl
and am therefore more authentic
even tho i h8 'black ppl music'
and will just use them
2 listen 2 crystal castles &
old AnCo mp3s

#8.0 - TRON SPANDEX
skinny jeans aren't cutting it
n e more yall
need to take my personal brand
2 the next lvl
via this super-tite daft punk
robot shit
just wanna b authentic
just wanna b 'human after all'


#7.0 - VINTAGE TYPEWRITER
let's face it
sorta getting tired of my
iPad/MacBook Pro/MacBook Air/iPhone/iPod touch/Acer
seems like every bro & their brother
has one these days
Apple products = cargo shorts
not only will a typewriter make me look
'mad vintage'
but bitches r likely 2 think think
i'm some sort of 'authentic street poet'
and i'll probs get 'mad action'

#6.0 - MY OWN PERSONAL L TRAIN
ok, yall
i have 2 go 2 work in the morning
s000 sick of having to cram into the train
with a bunch of other 'effing hipsters' +
regular ppl who think it's fun to talk/make out/
rub against me @ 8 in the morning

#5.0 - THE BEDFORD AVE DUANE READE TO BE 'EFFING LEVELED,' TO BE REPLACED BY AN ALL-NATURAL LOCAL ORGANIC VEGAN URBAN FARM CO-OP
i used to rlly like u, duane
i'd drop in 2 pick up TP
cheetos, and bottles of herbal essence shampoo
but then u moved into MY neighboorhood
right across from some local pharmacy
run by black ppl and mexicans
seemed like a hella unchill move
rlly showed me ur true colors
seems like all u care abt
is concentrating power in the hands
of a few rich ppl corporations
thanks a lot, barak obama
tax breaks 2 the rich
jesus
eff u, duane
black ppl/mexicans/poor ppl/and effing hipsters
are ppl too, OK?

#4.0/#10.0 - KANYE WEST STOCK
congratulations, kanye
u ruined:
george bush
taylor swift
& indie music
all in the same year
rlly
congrat-u-fucking-lations
way to go, bro
u did it
10.0
10.0
10.0

#3.0 - A PLANE
brooklyn portland san fran
LA chicago austin
seattle alaska new orleans
london berlin paris
SXSW cochella bonaroo
sasquatch lolla burning man -
i gotta lotta places 2 go
yall

#2.0 - FULBRIGHT FELLOWSHIP TO THAILAND
from what i understand
there are few opportunities
more authentic/pretentious
4 a young white person than
'to teach english in an asian country for a year'
but rlly just spend the whole time
boozin, lying on the beach,
and eating weird food
like horse peen/cow balls/dog
seems like this
would rlly elevate my authentic cred
'to a whole new level of relevancy'
& id get a 'sick tan'

#1.0 - JAMES + NATALIE

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
what's on ur alternative xmas list?
does getting expensive material objects for xmas 'make u feel good abt urself'?
is indie music 'effing finished'?
do u h8 the L train in the morning?
is duane reade corporate imperialist bllsht?
is santa claus real?
is santa claus just a 'drunk ole bastard'?