evr seen a 2x rainbow?

Have u evr seen a double rainbow
Almost a triple rainbow
So bright and vivid
Across the sky

What does this mean
It’s so beautiful
Windchimes in the distance
Pure ecstasy

God
It’s so bright
Double rainbow
You penetrate my mouth/butt/soul

I cry alternately like a little grl
And a grown man cumming and cumming again
Uhhhh uhhh –
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh –

It’s too much for me
A psychedelic blast of colors
Shooting out my peen
And into the sky

It’s a double complete rainbow
My body trembles
Can’t even hold my Flip camera steady
What does it mean

Can’t take it
Too much
I’m on my knees
I worship u, double rainbow

A dog barks
The sound brings me back to reality
Where am I
A magical forest

Breathe
B chill
Take it in
Everything’s OK

A double rainbow
Almost a triple rainbow
So bright and vivid
Across the sky

Have to go clean my pants now
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
have u ever splooged urself 2 a double rainbow?
what drugs is this guy on?
do u have a Flip?
is utube the greatest invention ever?
what did ppl do @ parties b4 utube?
what does the double rainbow mean?
is the double rainbow a 'sign from god'?

what is a bro?

A bro is u
A bro is me
A bro is chill
A bro is free

A bro is here
To partie down
A bro will nvr
Wear a frown

Bros r here
2 penetrate
Random girls
And abolish h8

A bro will not
Give up on U
He is ur bro
He’ll help u thru

Bros are mnstrm
Bros are alt
Some bros are ghey –
But it’s not their fault

Bros r true
Bros r real
A bro will always
Cop a feel

Most bros drink
And get ‘so tanked’
Then do more shots
Then smoke some dank

Collegebros
And cool dad bros
And mountainbros
And surferbros

Cafébros
And fisherbros
And sk8r bros
And snowboard bros

So many bros
We r all bros*
U r a bro
And I’m a bro

A bro is here
To partie down
A bro will nvr
Wear a frown

A bro is u
A bro is me
A bro is chill
A bro is free

I pledge allegiance
To the bros
Of the Bronited Bros of Bromerica
And to the 40 of Miller High Life
4 which it bros down
Many bros, under Christbro
With jello shots and iPhones
4 all

*(u r probly not a bro
If u have to ask ‘what is a bro’)
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
r u a bro?
what type of bro r u?
what is ur fav bro activity?
will u b my bro4life?

lindsay lohan, what happened 2 u?

Lindsay Lohan
Sorta forgot about u
Now u r going 2 jailz
Have 2 do lines of blow behind bars
Gonna DJ for some authentic prison inmates

What the hell happened
U used to be kuet
And showed promise as an actress

Wish u were still a real person
Not a human meme

Maybe your whole life
Is a piece of performance art
A critique on modern celebrity culture
And u r the greatest performance artist
Since the MOMA

Maybe u r so authentic
That nobody ‘gets’ u
U transcend mnstrm existence
Or maybe we ‘get’ u so much
That you have devolved completely
From a human being
Into a JPEG file

Maybe the ‘trainwreck’
Of ur ‘life’
Is a sacrifice
To the pop culture gods
U r a slave to the machine
And the Hollywood billboard
Is your tombstone

No one seems to know
Why u r going 2 jail
I was fine with u blowing coke
Endangering lives while driving drunk
Flashing ur coot
Having lesbian sex

We r all consumers
And we need something to consume
A fantasy lifestyle
To imagine
While we slave away
In our corporate offices and cubicles

We can dream about chilling with u
By a pool in Morocco
Sipping martinis and smoking a blunt
Wearing versized $500 designer sunglasses
Bikinis
Texting on our Blackberries
Gonna party with Steve Aoki 2nite
Until 9 in the morning
And sleep until 5

I hear u r ‘acting’ in a new film
Abt a porn star
This is possibly why u skipped out on
Your AA/drunk driving classes
You have to ‘make ur own living’ these days
U have to ‘work’

90 days is a long time
But not really
U can think of jail
As an opportunity to gain experience
For future acting gigs

Some ppl are so poor
They’d kill for the security, routine, and free food
Of a prision
Think of all the bros u will make
And all the laughs u will share

Some day
When u are sobered up
U can go on Oprah
Write a best-selling memoir
And win an Academy Award
For that stunning ‘come-back’ role

We will look back on ur prison sentence
As a valuable learning experience
For us all
We will sort of smirk at how young and naïve
We were
And then cut up another line
And snort it

Pull up your bootstraps/American Apparel leggings, Lindsay
I know u can do it
I know u can survive
We r here 4 u

We r all in this
2gether

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
do u <3/h8 lindsay?
is lindsay lohan a 'performance artist'?
is lindsay lohan really a lesbian?
have u ever partied w/lindsay/steve aoki?
is lindsay lohan the most authentic/relevant alternative icon?
will lindsay lohan win an academy award?
would u scissors w/lindsay?
r we all responsible 4 lindsay lohan's trainwreck life?

who'll stop the rain?

Rainy Saturday
Lyin in my bed
6 pm
Under a blanket
Starin out the window
Rain
Fog in the trees
Rain

Rainy Saturday
Sittin in my kitchen
Eatin a cookie
Prairie Home Companion
718 pm
Starin out the window
Rain
Fog in the trees
Fog where the mountain should be
Starin out the window
Rain

Rainy Saturday
Rain
It wont stop raining
Rain
Rainy Saturday
Rain

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
how long has it been raining?
do you <3/h8 rain?
r u confused as to why i posted this bloem on a tuesday?
do u <3/h8 Prairie bros companions?
who will stop the rain? [via CCRbros]

what dyall do in cafes?

i am an authentic bro
sketching w/$20 colored pencils
in a 500-page leather bound sketchbook
sitting in a relevant café
in sitka
with a skuzzy beard
and fingerless gloves
that make me look ‘down to earth’/‘homeless’
but also wearing trendy thick-rimmed glasses
to suggest that I am still ‘intellectual’/‘thoughtful’/‘deep’
waiting for some hot broads
to ask me abt my ‘art’
i will flip through my sketchbook
to show them my meaningful drawings
that represent
my unique and insightful
perspective of the world
i grew up in the suburbs of middle america
north carolina
now i have shunned
my mnstrm suburban roots
come to alaska
to ‘get real’ abt life
and search 4 spiritual enlightenment
i am a fisherman/trailworker/wandering soul
becoming ‘one with nature’
turning my back on material things
sipping a $6 soy mocha chai spice vegan latte
and when I have learned all alaska has to teach
i will migrate
to williamsburg/portland/seattle/san fran
and live in an anarchist collective/freegan house/$2,000-a-month 1-bedroom apt.
to share my meaningful experiences
and my art
with other young and authentic spirits
this is my life, yall
sitka is MY town
just a pudgy beard bro
sitting in a relevant cafe
sketching in a 500-page leather bound sketchbook
w/$20 colored pencils


_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
what dyall do in cafes?
what is the most authentic/relevant cafe?
do u use colored pencils or water colors?
do u use a moleskine journal?
r u 'authentic crusty' or just 'aesthetically crusty'?

america?

Some bros have said
That the things that set us apart
Divide us
And cause conflicts between us
As Americans
Are the only things
That unite us
Which is a saying
That doesn’t seem
To make any effing sense, if
You ask me

Whites, blacks, browns, whatevers
Gays and lezzies and str8s
Christians, Muslims, Jews, and atheists
Rich and poors and mehs
City slickers, country folks, and suburbanites
Blues and reds and greens and sarah palins
Mnstrmrs and alts
Tweens and real people
Bois and grls
U and me

Are we all so ‘different’?

Or are we all ‘the same’?

Family
Friends
Peace
Love
Happiness

Certainly our different methods
Of achieving these goals
Seem to suggest
That we are inherently unique, different, individual, and separate
From each other, from our neighbors
That we are not one nation under Jesusbro
But 3 million nations
Competing for space
Blog readership
And the most authentic facebook profile pic possible

Well eff that, all
I’m here 2 tell yall what America
Is all about
Just like Linus gave us the low-downs
Abt some old-ass summer holiday called
‘Christmas’

America
Is an idea
That sometimes comes alive
And sometimes dies
Depending on whether or not it’s a rainy day or a sunny day
Depending on whether or not you wake up in a good mood
Or whether you wake up hungover, in a pool of your own poop/pee/vomit
Depending on whether or not someone at a café meant it when they told you to
‘Have a good one’
Or whether they’d rather you just go eff yourself
And most of all depending on whether or not
You’re having a good hair day

America
Is an idea, yall
The idea that we are the best country in the world
Whether or not we actually are

America is the idea of the fountain of youth
We’ll never get old
We will stay relevant 4evar
The most authentic country
On the effing planet
So take that, yall
U can take your terrorism and notre dames and euros and communism
And smarter children and better soccer players and
SHOVE IT

This is America
And we’re gonna blow shit up
And eat meat
To celebrate ourselves
And the fact
That we are effing awesome

This is what unites us
Americans
As people who are the same
Even if we don’t realize it
The idea of our own greatness
Which is many times false
But always true

U r so authentic America
U r so real
Glory glory hallelujah
Jesusbro shed his grace on thee

<3 u America

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
do u <3 america?
do u <3 freedom?
what r ur fav hot dog toppings?
r u having a nice day?

r u 'hard' for 'twi'?

Twilight is a brand
For hornie tween girls
Hornie tween gheys
Fat ugly women
And homosexual pedophiles

U cant really blame them, tho
Most humans spend most of their lives
Being hornie
It’s part of the human condition
Especially the human condition of tweens

The defining characteristic of a tween
Is his/her newfound ability to sexually reproduce
Despite his/her lack of sexual maturity
This initial lack of maturity serves a purpose
Our genes blind us with horniness
When we are young
In order to inspire us to f$^k like rabbits
In order to ensure our survival as a species
B4 our bodies age and die
Of cancer/AIDS/drunk drivers/drug overdoses/suicide

It’s basic animal instinct, yall


Unfortunately, the basic human instinct to f&%k
Has led to some major problems in the 21st Century
Global warming, widespread poverty, and overpopulation
To name just a few

Because there are now so many of us
Searching for the same rare, unique goals
Like a super cute ethnic boi
To hold hands with at the mall
It means that only a select few of us
Can actually achieve their goals
Of having things like a keut boifriend
A high paying job
An acting career
Magic wizard powers
Or not just 1, but 2, ‘super hot boifriends’
Chasing after u
Wanting to suck
Ur ‘””’”‘blood’”’”

Twilight is just the latest tranquilizer
In a long line of tranquilizers
Injected into the rabid bloodstream
Of mnstrm American culture
Intended to satiate the tween sexual instinct
To reproduce with everything and anything in sight
Intended to minimize the burning horrors
Of ‘tween pregnancy’ and ‘STD’s’
A fantasy world that allows us to ‘get our rocks off’
w/o all the unwanted consequences

B4 there wuz Jacob, there wuz Ron/Harry

B4 there wuz Ron/Harry, there wuz Jack

B4 there wuz Jack, there wuz Legolas

B4 there wuz Legolas, there wuz Han

B4 there wuz Han, there wuz
REAL F@!KING LIFE

Feel worried, tho
Feel confused
Feel sad about the ‘decline in modern cinema/literature’
Feel alarmed that it is now socially acceptable to refer
To 13-year-olds with an allusions to ‘hard ons’
What r we gonna call Harry Potter fans, now?
‘Harry Twatters’?
‘Harry Peeners’?

Wish the young ethnic bro who never wears a shirt
Would just stop bothering with the pants, too
Wish that some droopy cunt would just jump off a cliff
And Jacob and Edward would do it ‘brokeback style’

We are all hornie
We all want to break free of our predictable suburban lives
We all want to live in a fantasy world
We all want to find meaning
We all want to find love

And most of us are probably even just willing to settle
For someone to hold hands with @ the mall
Browsing snarky tee shirts
In Hot Topic

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

R u a tween?
R u ‘hard’ 4 ‘twi’?
Why does Jacob wear pants?
Should tweens be allowed to have sex?
What is your favorite fantasy world to ‘rub one out 2’?
Do u feel ‘trapped in the subburbs’?
Does nobody ‘get’ how ‘complicated’ u are?
What’s your favorite store @ the mall?
Is Hot Topic for ‘fggts’?
What will be the next tween fantasy trend?